Tauns’ Blog

Life marched forward on a path I NEVER expected!
April 27, 2012, 4:13 pm
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I have a blog at blogspot.  It’s ok.  Since it is where I have mainly blogged, I have just kept with it (even though I have found I REALLY like wordpress more).  Recently blogspot did an update for better (it just turned to more like wordpress).


I was reading through this blog the other day and I was amazed at life.  Where I was.  Where I am now.  Life is soooo different.


The FAA didn’t work out.  Lots of heart ache and unemployment for over a year.  I am no longer able to be a stay at home mom.  We have lost so much but gained far more than lost.  I still worry about my weight, but in a different way…instead I worry about keeping the weight OFF now (lost over 150 lbs).

We have a beautiful home in Herriman and said farewell to our condo.  That was REALLY hard.


Ben has a job he is soooo happy with.  It makes me happy for him.  I work.  He works.  We struggle to survive financially but at the same time have soooo many blessings, once again…can not complain.


I really hope 1 day I am able to get this blog printed in a book.  Even though there are some REALLY bitter posts in here…I have grown and I am grateful for that.  There are also some really sweet posts in here that I would like to have forever.


I am going to save…I want a blog book of this place.  I love this place.  It’s an old familiar.  I come here and read often…just never post.  I decided to change that today!


New Blog
July 19, 2010, 4:11 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Well we didn’t have money to keep the “new blog” and I started a new one at blogspot…but I am contemplating moving it all back here.  I like this blog more.  I have been re-reading and I want to print this all into a blog book because SOOOO much has changed!  Life has changed!  I want to have a book that I can read it all in.

For now, I am not sure if I am going to move back here or keep the other blog.  I do know that I am grateful I spent the time to re-read my blog!

I am saying farewell…
March 28, 2009, 3:55 pm
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Ben got my blog all updated and moved to our family site.  The site (www.flyinghawkers.com) isn’t all that exciting on the homepage until Ben gets it changed and looking all cool.  Right now it still holds our companies name and all that stuff.  None of the links work even for the company 😦

To access my blog go to: www.flyinghawkers.com/tauns

My blog is still publicly accessed and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to keep all you readers doing just that…reading!

I have loved this blog…I have enjoyed learning and growing for the last 9 months on here!  I am sure I will love and enjoy my new and shiny blog just as much (okay it is just new…not shiny yet!)

I’m OLD!!!
March 24, 2009, 9:46 pm
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There is nothing like having a birthday to bring about the feelings of being ancient.

The fact that this is my last birthday in my twenties, combined with “child bearing years” and the desire for more children TOTALLY makes me realize time is running short.  😦  I feel so old and time runs by too quickly.

I have never not liked a birthday.  I love birthdays.  I think they are great days for celebrating the life of a person you love.  Today I am more excited about Ben’s birthday NEXT Tuesday than I am my own today.

This is my last number birthday…I will be 29 forever! 🙂  Boy am I going to be a REALLY old looking 29 year old in the year 2035.

We’re moving!
March 23, 2009, 8:11 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Not back to Utah…at least not yet!  We will be doing that in 6 weeks!! 

For now we are moving websites.  It is a website for the entire family to blog and whatever else on.  We already had a lunar pages account and we decided it was time to use it for the family.

After Katy requested a blog, we had so many account with word press it just got crazy.  Trying to get between them all and keeping the sign in and passwords straight was getting a bit confusing.  I almost commented on several different things while in Katy’s account.  I also went to type up a blog and I was in MY blog but under Katy’s username.  When I hit the My Dashboard, it took me to Katy’s account (and I hadn’t realized it).  Typing a blog on her account wasn’t the plan! 🙂  Luckily I discovered the error when I saw the blog stats.

The final decision was made last night.  I have been trying to make Katy’s blog all cute and little girly looking.  The free wordpress doesn’t give many options in regards to this.  I found a site that allowed me to doll up Katy’s account for free.  YAY!  After spending about 3 hours designing her “new look”, we discovered the free accounts don’t allow you to have the cool, unique looks…at least to everything we tried and understood.  We would have to upgrade the account in order to have the cool new look. 

We had a couple options.  The first was to just keep her free account and find the best suited look.  The second was to take our lunar pages account that is already paid for another year and set up a family blog site.  The last was forget it all and hate the internet 🙂

Ben has been toying with moving his blog around, he even blogged about that recently.  It would be nice to have both Ben and I be able to access Katy’s blog easily so for Katy creating the free family site with a blog for her was a good decision as well.  Personally, I feared that all my hundreds of followers and readers would not follow, loose me and cry because of the move 😉  In all truth on it, I was fearful in switching.  Not fear over loosing people reading  but more because I fear changing and having to figure out a whole new system and how it all works.

Ben promised to help walk me through the process and show me the basic ropes.  From there it will be my job and duty to really learn the new family site.  The site will still be open to anyone to view with comments being moderated.  All except for Katy’s blog area, that we will restricted.  We will have people sign in to see it.  I have to protect my little one for a couple more year! 🙂

 We have the domain name ready, I just don’t have things moved around.  When I am set up and all the blogs have been transferred, a cute blog designed and a new welcome blog written, I will give out the new blog location. 

Please follow us in the move!!! 🙂

Katy’s new blog!
March 23, 2009, 5:17 am
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My sweet Katybug has been begging us lately to start her own blog.  I thought it was so sweet that she requested to be able to share her life like her mom and dad via blogging.  That is how she put it too.  “Mom, I want to start blogging like you and dad”.  Her excitement to write a blog and share her life is fun to experience!  I have the best little girl EVER!!!!

At first when she requested a blog I was a bit nervous.  I love to blog and Ben does as well.  Blogging per se isn’t the issue.  I was worried that each time she would want to blog I would end up spending hours helping her decide on what to blog about (as if I don’t have a hard enough time with that for my blog as it is) and then end up typing it up for her.  I also worried about the whole “world reading a 6 year olds writing” stuff.

After Ben and I had discussed it some I asked Katy a question.  This is how it went:

“Katy, what do you want to blog about?” I querried.

“Oh, I don’t know.  Stuff, my life and school and just stuff.” came her too early to be tween yet still tween voice reply.

“Okay.  I will talk to your dad and we will see.”

After Ben and I talked about it again, we decided it would be a GOOD thing for her.  Ben set up an account for her that night.  Even though we may have to help with the ideas, we decided they can be simple.  I mean her life is overall fairly simple; although, she might not view it that way at times.  We also decided she had to be the one to type what she wanted to write.  We can give suggestions on WHAT to write about but we will not write it for her.  We are hoping this can be a learning opportunity for her.  Help with computer, typing, writing and reading skills.

Today she wrote her first blog.  I was so proud of how she honestly did it all on her own (well the writing that is)!!!  I guess it just goes to show that she really is old enough and she really does want to share her life.  Ben only had to help with adding the pictures.

She        REALLY        likes     to         type     with     a     lot      of        random       spaces          between           her      words.         if    you     sEe    caps    it     is    an      accident     and     they     are         randomly           placed.    

Don’t be expecting perfection.  We will work on the spacing issue, it will take some time.  I think that possibly a bigger print may help with her need for so much space between each word.  We are also working on the capital letter at the beginning of the sentence and for proper nouns.   This is something they are working on at school as well, so it will be good skill practice for her.   Her spelling is off.  Sight words are for reading only, not for writing…I have been informed 😉  Words and correct spelling is also on the list of “to work on”.  The whole grammar thing – well my grammar sucks and hopefully Ben will be able to help her with that one cause y’all know mine sucks 🙂

I LOVE IT!!!!  Her blog is sweet.  It is the best.  I think I just found my new favorite blog to read!!!  (Oh and don’t worry, I will be teaching her the art of more than just a period…before long she will be an exclamation freak like her mom…oh wait, what was that about teaching proper english skills?!?!?)

Oh and to solve the whole “world” issue, we just made the blog private! 🙂  We sent an email out to several friends and family but then we got a notification that many didn’t receive the email.  That in turn lead to a massive “go through email contact list” frenzy.  Some addresses were old, some were contacts we don’t contact anymore, some emails were newer ones and weren’t even listed, you know all the fun things.  I sent and resent the message that Ben had originally sent a couple more times and HOPEFULLY I got everyone in the end.  If you didn’t get the email and you would like to read the best new blog in town, let me know and I will get you the link! 😉

Letter of feelings
March 21, 2009, 4:48 am
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Dear Family,

When someone discusses something with you over and over and over again, you interpret those actions as meaning you are included, a partner in the situation.  You devise that when a decision is ready to be made, you would be informed.  You think that if they actually wanted to include you in the process they would let you know what was happening.  That only happens when they actually really want to include you, not just pretend to.

The sheer facade of equality is often put up, yet I don’t see through it in the beginning.  I don’t see that the true discrimination and inequality remains.  I hate it.  I hate that it hurts these same feelings over and over.  I hate that we let down our guard to trust only to be blasted with more pain.

I should know that anytime such conversations arise, you don’t really care of our feelings or our thoughts in the process.  You want to make sure to have “talked” with us to make sure we “feel” included in the whole thing; yet in the end you just make the decisions with the other child.  Notifying us doesn’t matter because what we think truly doesn’t matter. 

Do you honestly think we are unscathed when the decision is fully made and we are only informed when we approach the topic with you?  The decision being made was not the issue.  We are fine with the decision.  The being informed part is the issue!  It just goes to show we really had no say, our thoughts and feelings truly did not matter!

Nice.  Great. 

Don’t you understand that we already have felt enough ostracism?  Don’t you understand that anytime it is between the two, our side is never seen, heard or even really considered? 

Facebook is NOT a way to inform someone that a decision was made.  It is ESPECIALLY NOT a way to inform a person that the decision is done, made and purchased when said person is supposed to be a partner, in on the deal.  Are you really a partner when you have a say in words but have no clue when action is taken, a decision is final?

If the issue is money and you are worried about our ability to pay and be true partners then discuss it with us.  Honestly I don’t think the others are true partners from the past events I have seen but we will move past that point due to not having proof in these areas.

You suck and I am totally sick of having to deal with this hurt time after time!

Next time spare us the pretense of actually caring.  Don’t bring up our hopes only to shred them with the truth of we aren’t good enough, our thoughts don’t really matter. 

You don’t really care.  I am tired of the mask.  We fall for the guise each time and each time we are hurt.  I can’t take it anymore.  

Please in the future, just leave us out in the beginning and let us sit and lick our wounds before you have the chance to drive the knife in deeper.  The pretense is getting old and the scar of mistrust and favoritism already burns and aches!  Your golden one’s opinion is the only one you care about, just stick with that in the future.   Just leave us out from the start, rather than parading that you included us only the slam the door in our face.

To not be included: Yes, we would be mad; yes, we would be hurt. 

History repeats itself.  The truth is we are hurt, upset and mad anyway.  Jilting us from the start would just be saving us the pain of anticipation; hopes of actually being included.

Just leave us alone.  If I can’t learn in a decade to not fall for your guile, I never will learn.  If you care an ounce, drop the act and just be true to yourself and feelings.  It would hurt us a lot less in the end.  Yes your conscience may hurt you for doing it this way.  I am sorry you may feel guilt.  I make no excuse for that though because you deserve that guilt.

We love you and always will but please in the future spare the charades and just leave us out from the get go.

Thank you,

Your family 


P.S. In so many ways I hope you don’t read this but in far more ways I hope you do.