Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: being a mom, being true to yourself in a blog, guilt
Sharing your life on a blog is a lot like writing a journal entry in the diary you expect your brother to find and read all the juicy tidbits about life. You try to give enough to keep him reading and avoid him looking for the other “real” journal; the thing is, over time the “fake” diary carries truths. Many times you forget that “real” diary and continue writing in the “fake” diary because you like the outcome more, you control the ending. You may also just find that you no longer care and you would rather have him read your real life than the fake one.
No, I am not making up events to keep people reading; I do share truth of my life, I do not share everything. There are things that I refuse to share, I am scared to share and other things that I don’t want complete strangers stumbling up, or even more importantly best friends and family. The strange thing is, the times I cross that line of what I have set, I find I like those blogs more. I like when I am so honest about myself and life that I no longer have to hide from the public. Ben often comments that my blog is the “me” he sees, the one that I try to hide from others so they will like me. You, my blog readers, see me. You see my loves, my dislikes, my success and recently I have started to share my defeats.
When I finally wrote about my battle with weight, I felt liberated. It was not easy. I feared for sharing. Honestly I don’t know what made me change that button from “private” to ”public”. I am grateful I did. Yes the few readers that do not know me in person now know that I am fat. I do not like it that way. I remember being younger and imagining myself with the picture perfect family…the family didn’t have to deal with a fat mom.
I have other subjects, other things I fear sharing. After reading my blog you would think I am the perfect mom that gives all her attention and love to her children and all the while keeps the house spotless. Many would be aghast to know that some days the TV is on all day, my daughter glued in front of it while I flitter between this and that (some being house work, some being books, most being browsing blogs and forums). I try, I do! Most days I see my trying as a huge failing. I want to think that each day is like that person who looses the race yet still finishes. Other days I feel like I have fallen and I plain and simply didn’t get back up, or if I did I just went back to the start and never cross that finish line.
My house is decently clean. I do like a spotless house. I dream of the day that every single day I live in that model home. I just don’t think it is feasible. I like the look of the un-lived-in home…but how do you live in that house? I have a goal to always have a spotless house and I try to not let things get out of hand. The truth is, the days I write about my spotless house are the ones that I have ignored my children and focused solely on a spotless home. I am usually a mean mom that is yelling at my children for walking on the freshly mopped hardwood floors (one thing I swore I would never do…yet I find myself doing). I don’t like that. So I finally decide it is more important to be a good mommy…that is when you will find stinky laundry, dishes from the night before, floors with cracker crumbs and a husband that is confused how this all could happen in 2 days. Yes…it can go from spotless to a disaster in 2 days…if you don’t have children, just wait. If you do, don’t clean for 2 days, you will be there!
I am not perfect. I have told my children that I am going to beat their butts or strangle them. They rarely have a spanked butt and to this day have yet to be strangled. I have my moments as a mom that haunt me. The moments that I realize I was NOT a good mom and I pray with all my energy that my beautiful children will not keep that as a childhood memory.
Then I have a Gold Star day. The day that I feel like I have actually done it. I have maintained a decent house, with no or few cracker crumbs on the floor, dishes not only washed but emptied out of the dishwasher, laundry done and put away and I have spent “quality” time with my children. Time in which I hope they have those memories of growing up.
Ben is much better about the good growing up memories. Ben is an amazing dad. My girls LOVE juice. LOVE IT! We have not purchased juice here, other than cranberry juice a few times for medicinal purposes. One night Lyse was having a particularly hard time about how we were once again having water with dinner. I was ready to scream. Before I was able to say or do anything Ben had her excited about the water. How you ask? He played pretend. He does this all the time with the girls. Now at dinner we each have our favorite juice. Katy’s is usually EVERY single color, even black. Lyse sticks to the girl basics: pink, red & purple. Sometimes she is daring and adds yellow, orange, blue or green! The water pitcher lid is magical and changes the colors with each twist. The tasted is never mentioned, just the color.
I am jealous. I wish I could do that. I should be the one doing that!!!! I feel guilt over that. I wish I was more that way. When I try to be that way everyone (Ben and the girls) is amazed and it embarrasses me that I am so uptight that my kids find it strange that I get in and play pretend. When did I become so uptight? I hate it 
It is my goal that I am working on…but then so is the spotless house.
If I only wrote on Gold Star days my blog would be picture perfect, just like I had always dreamed. My blog would be that “fake” journal that is meant for others to read. It also wouldn’t be accurate. Yes, I have left the grocery store with the full cart with food because my children were NOT behaving. Yes, I have spanked my children. Yes, I have yelled. I think the “Mother of the Year” people would see me and RUN the other way. Yes, I feel guilt nightly for not being a better mom. I blame myself for my children’s shortcomings. Being a mom is a very rewarding job that leaves a lot of guilt.
As each day goes by I become more and more amazed at the mom I had. She had it down, she knew how to play pretend, make the house warm with bread, make everyone feel loved and keep the house clean. She knew how to let go of the things that weren’t important and pay attention to the things that were. I wish my personality for mothering was more like my mom’s.
Just thought I would share!
Honestly, I have always hated doing laundry. After having to drag all my dirty, smelly sock, pants, shirts and underware across the complex, I now realize how easy I had it in just having to drag it all down the stairs.
Oh and it is like 10 times cheaper to have do laundry at home than at a laundry mat. We are at least $10/week to just use the machines!!! It is nice having 4 machines to do 4 loads all at once though 
A question that has evoloved out of this though…what in the heck is the difference between Laundry Mat and Laundromat?!? If you know, I would like to know the answer!!!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: adventures in OKC, new cell phone, review on G'zOne, The Cell phone EVERY mommy should get!
Last night we got our new phone upgrade working after 2 hours on the phone and a trip to Tulsa. I will give a little back story first.
One year ago in January, I upgraded my cell phone. It was another G’zOne, specifically a G’zOne type S in blue and I liked (notice the past tense) it a lot. We went to my in-laws and when we got home, I could not find my phone. After searching for some time, we called the in-laws and asked if they had seen a phone. My mother in law said no but they would let us know if they found it. I knew the battery on it was almost dead so when it went straight to voice mail I just figured it had kicked the bucket.
A week later while at the house we asked again, my father-in-law got a sickening look on his face and brought out a mutilated piece of a cell phone. See January in Utah means snow, it also means snow blower. My phone did not survive the snow blower I was just grateful it didn’t hurt the snow blower! My phone was an indestructible G’zOne phone but the snow blower was just too much. I had only had the phone a week when this happened. When I purchased the phone, Ben was not there to talk about whether or not we should put the insurance on it. The man at the counter informed me that I had 1 month to make that decision. If I wanted the insurance I just had to bring the phone in and I could get it. I should have gotten the insurance!!!!!
Well, since I had just upgraded my phone, I was obviously not eligible for an upgrade. We put a hold on my phone number until we could afford another phone. Ben’s cell phone number became the family number. Over time the phone gravitated to being with me during the day and him when the family was together. The one cell phone thing worked fine because we had a home phone.
When we moved to OKC, we opted not to get a home phone. Instead we lived on just the one cell phone. After a couple weeks, we realized it was a bit harder than we thought. Ben had a girl that sat next to him in class and she had been given a new Verizon cell phone and she gave him her old one!
We now had 2 phones and were very grateful. Since everyone was used to using Ben’s cell number to call the family, Ben gave took the number that was my number and that is now his cell phone number. Confusing, I know! Anyway, it worked and we were happy. Then we found out why the girl Ben worked with was so happy to get a new phone. It didn’t hold a charge. The battery was defunct! After some debate and searching Verizon’s website, we found we were ready for an upgrade on the family phone number. We decided to do the free upgrade on a new, sexy indestructible phone ; we have found that these are the only phones that last our family 2 years. Watch the video, this phone really can withstand a lot of stuff!!!
The picture is what the new phone looks like, it is the G’zOne Boulder. I think this one will be liked even more than the old one was! We didn’t have to pay anything, not even shipping. YAY upgrade!!!
So back to the story of last night. We got the nifty new phone. No the phone is not an i-pod, blackberry or Omnia. It isn’t a “surf your facebook page” phone but honestly for a good phone that will last children and my husband’s beatings…I am in love. All though it is rugged and made to last everything, we got the insurance on it…don’t want to risk another snow blower incident!
Our previous G’zOne is older (2 years) and still works GREAT. The battery lasts still for a long time and honestly my husband has been really rough on it and was never afraid to show others how it was so versatile. He put is in water all the time, throws it on the floor or against the wall and we never thought much about throwing it across the room to each other. It has taken a beating. It is like a Timex, “takes a licken and just keeps ticken”. We have also taken many cool under water pictures with phone
We don’t live in a digital upgrade area for Verizon. When we tried to get his new phone up and running, it wouldn’t. I called Verizon and that is where our problem started. What a PAIN!! The Lady was so helpful, actually too helpful. I knew that her helping was going to cause a problem. I tried to tell her that I would just call back when I could be on a phone other than the new one or the phone number we were trying to put it on. She wanted to help me though so I let her try. In the end, we ended up with 3 phones, none of which would call anyone. If we called 611, we would get Alltel wireless not Verizon. Earlier in our conversation, I had asked where the nearest Verizon Digital area was. She had looked it up and told me it was in Tulsa or Dallas. When we lost any ability to call Verizon with any of our phones, we headed for the Digital area to call *228.
Last night at 6:33 pm, we loaded up in the car for a “quick” trip to Tulsa. We don’t have a home phone and all 3 phones were useless now. We got onto I-44 and headed north. When the road forked where we needed to head East to Tulsa, we went with the curve. As soon as we had, I knew we had made a mistake. The large sign above us said, “I-44, Toll Road”. CRAP! There was no way to get off, no exits.
When we arrived at the toll booth, I felt horrible. We had $2.80 in cash, including all our spare change in pockets, wallets, purses and ash trays. The toll was $3.50. We pulled up and told the guy how we didn’t know it was toll road and we were driving to Tulsa because we had to have a phone that worked. We explained we were from Utah and toll roads do not exist on the freeways. He smiled kindly and asked where in Utah we were from (we have Utah plates so he knew we were telling the truth). We told him Salt Lake and he surprised us when he said, “I was out there for conference just last year”. At that moment I KNEW our Heavenly Father was watching out for us. We handed the man ever last cent we had in the car, he took the rest from his pocket and paid for the remaining balance on our Toll. Thank you Mormon Toll man on the I-44!!!!
Approximately 2 minutes after we passed the Toll booth, our phones received Verizon services and updated. We could go home!! The only problem we had now was we could NOT get off (they have NO exits) and there was absolutely NO WHERE we could get cash to pay for the Toll coming back. We did try to get off and found we had entered yet another toll area. That toll guy wasn’t as understanding about us being lost. He glared, asked for our ticket from the Large Toll, gave us $1.25, told us to turn around and pay $1.00 Toll to get back on. Not only did we not pay the entire $3.50 first toll, we got $0.25 back. Maybe we found a good side business 
We ended up driving for another hour, all the way to Tulsa by the way, and finally found a gas station to get cash for the ride back. This was after stopping at a couple other places. No one gave cash back on debit cards and NO ONE had an ATM until the last place. We finally found an ATM.
Ben is not one that enjoys and relaxes on car rides. I enjoy and love them. Our girls do too. It is fun, adventurous. For Ben, it is stress even if I am driving (maybe even more so if I am driving). By the time we had reached Tulsa with no money and no place that offered gas without alcohol, Ben had reached his max. Poor guy! I was even a bit frustrated but still enjoying our adventure. The ride back was enjoyable once I got sunflower seeds and a coke for Ben . Ben became less annoyed with Oklahoma the farther we got from Tulsa. No place to obtain cash, no way to get back without cash and no place that offered gas without Alcohol (Ethanol) in it. Luckily we had a 3/4 tank when we left. Unluckily, we had 1/4 tank when we got back. It was an adventure. On a good side note: our phones are now working, Ben has an awesome new phone and my phone is updated and getting better service than before. It only took 2 hours on the phone with the Verizon lady and 4 hours driving in the car to get everything working
Last night as we were climbing in bed, Ben chuckled and said, “I think that you should be the one that has the new phone, your phone is used more. Tomorrow we will just head back to Tulsa and swap the phones digitally.” We both got a good giggle out of that one! We have now seen Tulsa and I am pretty positive that I could never drag Ben back there even if our lives depended on it!!
Friday:
“Mommy…mommy!”
“What Lyse?” (say it slowly and VERY groggily)
“I’m starving now!”
I tried to focus and finally looked at Ben who was snoring next to me and determined it was not 5:15 yet, his first alarm had not sounded.
“Lyse, it is still night time.”
“I know but my tummy says it is starving NOW!”
I got up, got her breakfast. Once she had finished, we both went and climbed back into bed. The rest I received was minimal after that. A couple minutes after we climbed back in bed, the alarm for Ben went off. Any further sleep was squelched right as Lyse decided to get up with dad. The day then involved making 4 dozen cupcakes for Katy’s school carnival.
The night before we were up late. Katy had her first musical and she was the chicken. She did an AWESOME job! Way to go Katy!!!! Unfortunately, it was a late night for all of us. Starting my morning at the crack of dawn was not in the plans.
My philosohpy in life regarding mornings is this. Unless you are sleeping, traveling or a once in a lifetime event is occuring (such as child birth), morning does not start before 7:00. The world doesn’t exist…I promise. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t feel that way. Friday was the start…and since then I have not been in to sleep in past 6:30 since. I NEED TO SLEEP IN…I do, I need it! Sleeping until 7 isn’t a luxury, it is a necessity!
Monday I was awake at 5:30 am to get Ben to work. I needed the car.
Today, I woke up at 6:28 to find Ben STILL in bed. I freaked and tried to wake him. He was like, “yeah, I know”. Ummmm…hmmmm
“Ben, it is 6:28 and you usually LEAVE at this time and you are still in bed!”
Suddenly Ben jumped out of bed while curse words were barely edited. It became a frenzy of a morning. I made him lunch and got a breakfast for him. For some reason he had been FULLY aware of the time but his brain kept saying it was 5:30 not 6:30. Silly man! He raced out the door and pulled into his work parking lot at 6:53 am (I was on the phone with him). He is always in the classroom at this time. Being late is NEVER an option in his new profession. Hopefully he was able to run and get into the classroom in the 7 minutes he had!! Haven’t heard from him, so I think he was on time but you never know.
I am tired! Friday Katy doesn’t have school and I have no reason to be up. I am sleeping until 8:00…
Oh crap…I need the car that day. Nevermind, I will be sleeping in until 5:40…
I was sitting here thinking some of the great things we have been blessed with in OKC. One of the biggest blessing I can think of is the blessing of the Gospel and our testimonies growing and being strengthened. While our ward isn’t wanting to accept us as ward members due to our only “visiting” (as they put it), we have found that the missionary work here in OKC is so great and that the Spirit of the Lord is here.
We have really enjoyed having the opportunity to feed the missionaries in our home. I was impressed to write to their mission president. After writing and sending off the letter (well putting it in an envelope with a stamp on it), I realized that the letter was an accurate representation of how I feel about our experience in OKC. I decided to post the letter I wrote to the mission president.
President Gee,
I am a member of the Quail Creek Ward here in Oklahoma City. We have only lived here since December 29th. Upon moving here I was excited to be living in the “mission field”. I am Utah born and raised. My husband has been raised in Idaho and Utah and then lived for 2 years in Brazil during his mission. My husband recently obtained a new job as an Air Traffic Controller. As part of the job, he had to move to OKC for 4 months in order to get the training he needed. He has been assigned to Salt Lake after leaving here so we knew this might be the only time in our lives that we will live outside of Utah while raising our family.
The first week in Relief Society the calendar to feed the Elders was passed around. In Utah we do not get the opportunity to feed the Elders and I was excited to get to serve those that are on the Lord’s errand. I wanted to let you know that the missionaries that came to our house, Elder Martin and Elder Lewis, brought such an amazing spirit with them. My niece, who is not a member, was visiting us for the weekend. They taught a great lesson. I hope that she learned from it and I know that my children did. For the following week my 6 year old daughter talked about the missionaries and what they had taught us that night.
Before leaving they challenged our family to pray for missionary opportunities and pray for them by name. We agreed and each night in family prayer we have prayed for those opportunities. While I have yet to meet and talk to anyone about the gospel, I know that our prayers are being answered. My daughter has prayed nightly for Elder Martin and Elder Lewis. We pray for those they are teaching. My husband has had some co-workers approach him asking him about the gospel. I know that my husband has had those experiences due to the challenge we received and the prayers given asking for this experience.
I am so grateful for the opportunity we have had as a family to experience the missionaries in our home. We have been blessed to feed them 2 times and I can’t wait until we can again. Each time they come the Spirit of the Lord is with them. I am writing to tell you how grateful we are for them as well as to ask a favor. I would like for Elder Martin and Elder Lewis’ moms to know how much we appreciate their sons, the spirit they bring into our home and the sacrifice their families are making to have them on a mission. I have no way to contact them and I hoped that you would have that ability (you can even just send them a copy of this letter).
Elder Martin has such a vast knowledge and a true love of the Gospel. I am grateful for his example and his willingness to share his testimony with my family. He is a great missionary and I am grateful that our family has gotten to know him. His mother and father should be very proud and know that he is doing the Lord’s errand!
Elder Lewis has such a love and energy to share the gospel. Each time he comes he talks about how exciting it was to track or try to find people in different places. If all members of the church had the kind of enthusiasm that he has in sharing the gospel, the Lord’s work would definitely roll forward strongly!
I am grateful for this opportunity we have had here in Oklahoma and the testimony that I have gained in missionary work. It is your missionaries that have helped me to see this. I truly am concerned and think of the people that Elder Martin and Elder Lewis are teaching and I hope that those individuals will accept whole heartedly the gospel of Jesus Christ. I have never been blessed to have this experience in Utah and I pray that when I go back, I will be able to continue with this blessing!
This last week while we were feeding them I was impressed in how concerned they were for their fellow missionaries. While talking we asked them (more Elder Martin than Elder Lewis) if they were still receiving letters and emails from home. Elder Martin commented on how the letters do dwindle over time but it wasn’t as bad as Elder Healy, who hadn’t received a letter in a long time. Both Elder Martin and Elder Lewis commented on how hard that is on the missionaries. That night I contacted my sister in Utah and she promptly wrote and has asked several friends to also write to Elder Healy. If you become inundated with letters for Elder Healy at the mission office from girls (and some guys) in Utah, that is the reason.
We are grateful for the opportunity we have had to live in OKC and the great spiritual growth our family has had here. We hope we get to feed the missionaries (whether current or new due to transfers) at least a couple more times before we go home. We truly are blessed to feed them! Thank you for allowing us this blessing!!
Benjamin, Tauni, Katy & Elyse
We really are grateful that we have had the opportunity to feed these young men. What a great blessing this has been for our family!
P.S. The letter actually has different paragraphs. When I copied and pasted it, the paragraphs disappeared and I was too lazy to go and put them all back in…sorry!
P.P.S. I learned I could do these P.S. things from Loralee…hers crack me up…sorry for copying Loralee!! I also wanted to note, I tried to read the letter on this site and due to no paragraphs I was struggling, so please disregard P.S. above!!
This last week we got a letter in the mail thanking us (yes thanking us) for cancelling our Rocky Mountain Power. They were happy to have served us and we had a $4.67 credit that they need pay to us. They needed us to call and give them that information. WHAT THE HECK!! I did not cancel my power. My house is heated by power. While it is nice and cozy here (about 70*) without a heater, in Utah the weather is not nice and cozy (from what I have seen on the news about 30-35*). My pipes will burst from the cold. I immediately called Rocky Mountain Power to get the low down on the situation.
The call went like this.
Rep: Thank you for calling Rocky Mountain Power. Can I get you to verify the information on your account?
Me: Tauni (I give all the stupid things you do in order to verify it is you).
Rep: Umm, are you sure the address is correct.
Me: Yes. That is the location in which I have power.
Rep: We don’t have you at this location. Is there someone else on the account?
Me: The only other person on the account would be Ben. I guess it could be under his name.
Rep: Umm, well no. That address does not have a Ben or Tauni.
Me: (a bit freaked out) you have the correct unit number right? It is a condo complex, we are number 12.
Rep: That is the address and unit #12. We do not have you listed as the owner of the Rocky Mountain Power account for that address.
Me: (even more freaked out) Umm, when was this changed? Who do you have listed as the owner for the power at that address?
Rep: Oh, we can’t give you that information. It is confidential.
Me: Confidential? Umm, I pay the mortgage on that place so technically I am the owner.
Rep: Yes but if you have a renter.
Me: I don’t have a renter. My house should be sitting empty.
Rep: Oh. That could be a problem.
Me: umm…when did the account transfer occur?
Rep: We show that you no longer were responsible for the account as of January 8.
Me: That is about 2 weeks after we left. I would like the name of the person using my address.
Rep: I am sorry but I cannot give you that information.
Me: I think you need to give me that information. I live in OKC but that is my home. No one should be living there.
Rep: Well from looking on the bill from usage, there was only $17 of power usage in the house. That is the equivalent of a light being on.
Me: Or a refrigerator.
Rep: Yeah.
Me: Why is someone using my address and trying to pay my bill?
Rep: I honestly don’t know. I need to go and check something can you please hold?
Me: Yeah sure
Queue Elevator Music. As I listen longer and longer and longer to the elevator music I start to get more and more freaked out. This is the conversation I hold with myself.
Self: Who the HECK is paying my electricity bill and why on earth are they paying my electricity bill.
Me: Maybe it was a wrong unit. Maybe it is Rocky Mountain Powers fault and in all reality a new person moved in and took over the power for a different unit and they just changed the wrong unit.
Self: Yeah that is what is has to be.
Me: Wait, second thought. Why would that person not call in and complain that they weren’t getting electricity in their unit after a month and a half?
Self: Good point. Maybe they are using our address or stealing our identity.
Me: Why would they steal our identity with their name?
Self: Why have I been on hold for so long? This is burning my cell minutes and I have been holding for 5 minutes now.
Me: Calm down, it is okay. A neighbor would notice if someone was coming and going out of the unit. Several neighbors were informed of the move. They would notice right?!?
Self: Most neighbors keep to themselves and/or use back door. Even though they know we are gone they may not notice someone new living there.
Me: Nothing of value is there, unless they have spent hours cracking the safe code.
Self: We need to change the safe code when we get home, it isn’t that good. We need a better one.
Me: Nothing of significant value is in the safe, just some guns.
Self: The guns are valuable! What if someone steals our guns and sells them on the street and then they are used in a drive by and we haven’t reported them stolen because we didn’t know?
Me: The police would give you a chance to explain.
Self: What if they did one of those stupid trade-ins…to get guns off the street. They would get a $100 gift card to Best Buy and a flower and I would be out a $500 gun.
Me: They weren’t doing that in Utah. Calm down…I am sure the safe is just fine.
Self: What about my credit? What if they are trying to use my credit?
Me: All important documents that have identity on them are here in Oklahoma with us.
Me: Ok, I have had this whole huge dialogue in my head and I am STILL on hold. The elevator music is killing me!!! I need lyrics, lyrics to take my mind off my home invasion with guns being stolen and our identities no longer ours.
As you can see by the conversation above, I was trying to stay calm.
Rep: Tauni? You still there?
Me: Yeah.
Rep: I got the bill changed back into your name. You owe $13.00 after your credit. They will be doing a new reading this week and you will get a bill for that in the next couple weeks. You will owe around $30 with the $13.00 added in, if no one is using electricity there like you claim.
Me: And if they are?
Rep: Call us back.
Me: Why can’t you give me information on who is using my address for my power bill? I might be able to help get it resolved.
Rep: It is confidentiality. Would you want someone else to get information off your account?
Me: If they were the registered OWNER of the property, I think they would have that right.
Rep: I am sorry but that isn’t an option.
Me: Ok, but I am going to notify the police.
Rep: Oh no, don’t do that. This could just be a Rocky Mountain Power fault in switching lines.
Me: Then why didn’t those people call in a month ago to say they still didn’t have electricity?
Rep: I don’t know. We will look into it and if you need to be involved, we will let you know.
Me: Ok.
Click
First: I was very proud of myself. I didn’t freak out on the agent. It wasn’t his fault. I did freak hard core when I got off the phone though. My poor mom probably thought someone had died or been gravely injured when she answered her phone.
Now I am totally stressed and wondering who in the heck would put their name on my address for the power bill. I have had some suggestions that maybe someone was trying to help. If they wanted to help, a $13 bill isn’t the best choice! The paranoid me says that someone knew we were going to be gone, knew they could afford the bill and needed an address proof (such as a bill from Rocky Mountain Power) to do something.
I couldn’t get any information on the person using my address or if they were sending that information to our address or to a PO BOX. I am afraid it was going to a PO BOX and my theory on using our address for something is true. This DEFINITELY has the paranoid me well paranoid!!!
I am VERY grateful we chose to have all our mail forwarded to us in OKC so no mail even touches our mail slot! I am still very concerned over this whole situation though.
The sane part of me says it could have just been a messed up address. The logical part of me asks why they hadn’t called and corrected it if their unit didn’t have any electricity to it… Overall, I just have a headache!
Ben was supposed to blog about this but the silly man thinks that his career is important or something and had to go and study
Okay…here is a round of kids say the darndest things:
Last night immediately after dinner:
Lyse: Look, I made a temple 
She had taken her very favorite Sleeping Beauty Princess Barbie and let her be the “Angel Moroni”
Tonight at dinner:
Me: Katy when we are finished I need to get a better picture for your passport.
Katy: Why?
Me: So that we can go to other countries.
Katy: Oh, you mean like Texas
Me: *water spouts through my nose*…Ben I think you just got something you can blog about. *finally stop laughing* No Katy, Texas is a state in the United States. I mean another country like Mexico and Belize. *start chuckling again*
Ben: Or California
Few random facts about me:
1. My dishes have to be organized whether in the sink, dishwasher or cupboard. Yeah, I know there is an issue there but I am not going to deal with it, yet. Ben is so amazing, he has even noticed and taken heed of this and actually goes along with it. I got the best husband, I tell you!!!
2. I love to cook. I struggle cooking with my children. Look to above note…that should tell you I don’t like non-organized mess. I love cooking with my children; I really wish I could get over the mess and how it annoys me beyond anything else.
3. I am cooking with Lyse today We are making Banana Bread – no nuts, Ben hates nuts in cooked goods…since I love him, I usually leave the nuts out. This post was intented to keep my thoughts away from the non-organized mess (I don’t think it is working).
4. Today is a good day! I am happy. I do truly love my life (something that I had been questioning the past few days…not necessarily if I loved my life as much as if I loved my life more than I hated myself). Today I decided my life with my husband and children are what keep me going! Even if I am unhappy with myself, I love what I have been blessed with. I thank my Heavenly Father daily, if not hourly, for these wonderful blessings!
5. My kitchen is not orderly and not clean at the moment and I am okay with that (at least until I finish this blog then I have GOT to finish the bread and get back to order).
6. Lyse loves to cook, you should see the smile on her face when she does (Okay, I will let you see it as soon as Ben gets home and uploads the photos…)!!!
How much is too much in regards to blogging? Honesty is always the best in person but how much do you share, how much honesty do you share? I have thought about this a lot lately…basically since I made my last blog private. I wanted it to be out there but my personality feared for the pain and turmoil that it could/would cause to people in my life. So I privatized it, even though I wanted it out there.
Some of my FAVORITE blogs of all time to read are the honest ones. The ones that say, “I screwed up and I now live with that pain and messed up my life”. I hear rants and raves on those sites and I love them. I love the raw honesty, even in admitting the worst mistakes or hardest situations. I guess the difference in my blog was it was my pet peeve but it didn’t involve my life.
My life. What becomes too personal to share and put out to the world for reading? (You can laugh, I am aware that the world involves all 2 of you) I really have struggled with this situation. Last night I was awake in bed, wanting to sleep. Instead I ended up getting in the shower because deliberating it in bed wasn’t helping with sleeping. The shower is where I think, where I ponder. There is a whole vast world inside of me wanting to burst forth into words but I fear for the rebuttal. Would my sharing this be sharing too much information? Would it be so personal, too personal, that it would scare away the few readers I do have? Honestly, it isn’t about readers… completely (Although, I will admit that I do have “bloggers jealousy” and I don’t want to scare away the few that I do have reading).
The bigger question, “Would it scare me away?” Would it cause me to be embarrassed and afraid of what others would think? I do that all the time…I care to dang much about what others in the world think of me. I want everyone to love, adore and cherish me. Yeah, I know. I can’t be myself and true and have everyone like me. Even the greatest people in history had those that hate them. I understand that, I just want it to be different for me. Mother Teresa…everyone loved her. I have never heard a bad thing about that woman…I want to be Mother Teresa!
So now I ask you, what is too much honesty to share on a blog? I have shared some of my hardest things. My miscarriage was a very hard thing to share but I think it helps others. Postpartum Depression – that wasn’t easy to share either but again I knew it was something that might, maybe help others out there. Both of those things I debated for a long time BEFORE posting. I worried I was sharing too much information.
What about how my body is so freaking stupid and the testosterone inside me would rival the manliest of men? That will bring the readers running…oh wait they would be running the opposite direction. Does anyone really want to read about how my body hates me and PMS for my poor family is the worst week of their life each month…well usually every other month? If my body does get pregnant it immediately purges it because I don’t produce progesterone or estrogen…just testosterone.
Do I share about my weight issues and how I feel less than human for even having these issues? Even writing that slight lines brings tears to my eyes and I fight the urge to backspace. I want to share this, I want to “put it out there” but then I am my own worst enemy. Weight crosses the line. People only like people that are skinny. They don’t like those that are fat or even worse, the BIG “O” word that no one likes to say or hear but everyone thinks.
Exercise, weight, energetic activities can be discussed among skinny people but if a size challenged “O” person enters, the conversation must change…immediately. You don’t talk about exercise when an “O” person is in a room because EVERYONE knows that “O” people just sit in front of the TV, they never exercise. They do NOT enjoy hiking or going for a walk. Talking about things that involve movement just makes them feel left out and everyone knows that if they talk about “the other day while on the treadmill” or “I love the Wii fit yoga” is a whole bunch of hooey…remember…they don’t exercise.
It doesn’t matter that the “O” person had 1/2 of the smallest cookie while the rest enjoyed an assortment of goodies. The glares given over the 1/2 cookie was enough to drive a person to drink. You should NOT be eating THAT…you should be eating all those veggies. I have even had a doctor tell me I shouldn’t treat my never ending UTI’s with pure cranberry juice. His exact word, “A person like you shouldn’t do that, shouldn’t take in those calories. You should just go to the doctor and get antibiotics.” I thought a natural treatment was always better than taking meds, but I guess I am wrong. I never went back to that doctor.
Who cares that at events that are “bring a treat” my treat always involves a veggie or fruit; who cares that my kids think a treat is a banana with peanut butter. I have had comments from the “S” friends always that they were going to bring something healthy but knew Tauni would be there. Great, you know I try to be healthy but that damn “O” word still hangs in the air. If someone doesn’t like me the immediate thought thrust into my mind is that stupid number on my pants and on that damn Wii fit screen. I don’t know which would be worse: someone not liking me for me or someone not liking me for my weight. I always think, I would be accepted and liked if I was skinny like them. Sadly many of the times that is true.
Why must we have these stupid weight labels, average (normal), over-weight, obese? In England they want size 14 and higher jeans to have “obese” tags put in next to the size. As the size gets bigger so does the self conscience feeling associated with it. Thank you but the size in my jeans being double the average size lets me know that I am obese…please don’t add another visual for me to cry over. The sad thing is everyone’s mind has the labels in them as well. You may not know the exact jean size but you definitely have the label written in your mind on what that person is classified as.
My friends in OKC all have to have a computer or telephone to talk with me. I don’t have friends here. I tried, I have REALLY tried, which is NOT my personality. I wanted to be friends with those ladies in the ward but when the exercise was mentioned they got nervous and smiled. When I walked away I heard them continue the conversation. When I asked about their exercise belly dancing class I got the look of, “YOU couldn’t do it, I mean, it made my skinny little size 2 butt sweat…you definitely couldn’t do that!” If you don’t believe it…I dare you to don a fat suit for a day and see the differences in how you are treated. Same you inside, completely DIFFERENT responses.
You know what I hate hearing. I hate hearing those super skinny people talk about how they “just can’t gain weight”. No matter what they try, even protein drinks won’t add a pound to their lanky frame.
I want to be a skinny mommy damn it. I want it more than any person could ever imagine. A skinny mommy isn’t instantly judged the minute she walks in. People give her a chance, get to know her… I want that chance!
Oh and in case you are wondering, I do try, I am trying. If bony people tried like many “O” people, they would be even more super emaciated…those skinny jeans would ALWAYS fit them! It sucks people…it does!!!!
