Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: breathing, inability to breath, medical reason for not being able to breath
Breathing is something most of us take advantage of without even thinking about it. Our brains don’t need us to consciously think about breathing in order for us to do it. There are rare occasions in which you actually think of this natural instinct.
If you have asthma, breathing is something you think about more than the average person; the biggest reason for this is because you experience the inability to breathe more frequently than the average person. My niece and daughter both have asthma. There are times that I watch them struggling to breathe and my heart breaks and I say a prayer of thanks for modern medicines.
A couple months ago I had pneumonia. During that time I was reminded how much I love to breathe. As each breath seared my lungs with pain, I realized what an ingrate I had been with breathing. Once the pneumonia left my body, so did my reminder of the importance of breathing.
Sunday night I thought I was having a heart attack that was attached to breathing. Each breathe I managed to inhale, my chest felt as though it was exploding. I quickly learned to take short and light breathes in and release them as quickly as possible. I definitely tried to breathe as little as possible. Once again I was reminded of the vital importance of something we don’t think about.
Upon visiting the ER, I fully expected the doctor to instantaneously take away my chest pain. Instead it took many hours, morphine, blood, x-rays, a second dose of morphine, an EKG and other miscellaneous procedures for the medical personnel to realize that morphine was NOT working and they were not succeeding in removing my pain and inability to breathe. I have never had morphine before and I was always under the assumption morphine was a miracle drug that took all pain away; I now know of at least one pain that morphine doesn’t ease, the pain associated with breathing when you have pleurisy. The true miracle drug for that is an anti-inflammatory. If you want the name, you are expecting too much from someone that was thoroughly doped up on morphine!
Now as the Lortab sinks in and removes my pain, my brain is no longer processing so I hope some or really any of this makes sense.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: clean house, dejunking home, frustration in dirty house, reaching goals and desires, vinegar and bleach best house cleaners
My goal lately has been to have a spotless house. To be more accurate, this is more like an eternal goal…one I have always and will always have. Each day I work on completing another task to get the house to where I want it to be. I will fully admit that I am a perfectionist. The problem with perfectionism is if you have something that can’t be perfect many times you give up and stop trying due to frustration.
A little over 3 years ago, I had a BEAUTIFUL little girl. What an amazing and huge blessing she was and is in our lives. The problem was after her birth, I suffered extreme post-partum depression. I hated myself, my children and my life. I honestly could care less if I lived or died. A couple months and GREAT drugs later, I felt back to myself. The problem was in that time period, my house had fallen. House work is hard to stay on top of and if you get a month or two or four behind, it can seem impossible to catch back up. That is where my perfectionism gave in and I stopped trying. HUGE mistake!
I found myself in the horrible rat race of trying to maintain a perfect house and still live in it. It was an impossible task that reeked of defeat before even attempting. Although we owned toys, I would become extremely frustrated if my children played with them because it was one more thing I would have to clean up. My children usurped all the energy throughout the day with feeding, clothing, changing diapers and parenting. How on earth was I supposed to maintain a clean house on top of that? I became down trodden and resigned myself to the fact that my house would never be how I wanted.
When I relinquished my grasp on the perfect home, I also subdued all desires to clean. My house became mediocre…what was the point of cleaning something that would need cleaned again in 5 minutes? I am ashamed to admit, my house was extremely dirty. Dishes were done most of the time and I tried to maintain the “sanitary” things such as a bathroom cleaned and floors occasionally mopped or vacuumed.
The entire time I lived in this disastrous area I called home, I always felt ashamed. I wanted a home I could invite anyone over at any time and not worry about this room or that room HAD to be cleaned before. My desire was for a home that felt peaceful and I could have even my in-laws walk into any room and not be ashamed. My mother-in-law always kept and keeps an amazing house. I was failing!
As remodel project were under taken and completed in the house, I would find a new one. It was easier to claim remodeling dust than it was to claim, “I am a lazy butt that can’t stay on top of it all”. I had some health problems and many hospital stays for a short period and of course I found that to be a great reason my house just couldn’t stay clean.
Approximately 2 months ago, I looked at my home and realized that I did have the power to change it. I was sick and tired of junk lying around and always having to find an excuse for my mess. I was not going to be a victim of a dirty house any longer!
I started with my closet. If I didn’t have room to put clean laundry away and the closet was completely full of clothes yet I still went to the laundry basket to find what I wanted to wear, it was time that charity received the clothes. One Saturday, Ben and I filled 5 large garbage sacks with clothes from our closet. We made a pact…I go through his clothes and he goes through mine. That helped immensely with keeping the objective eye.
Following a full closet make-over, I proceeded to our daughters’ room. Their clothes situation was worse than ours. After filling a couple more large garbage sacks, I took a trip to the local thrift store. As I said good-bye to my loads of burden, I felt my shoulders lighten. Each week I undertook a different region of the house. Each closet and room throughout the home was emptied, de-junked and then reorganized. With each garbage sack that was removed from my house, I felt more relief on my shoulders.
After spending one month clearing out my home of what I had acquired over the last 3 years, I then moved on to our storage shed (aka: my parents garage). Bin after bin was removed from their garage, the contents sorted and sifted. Each item had a place: my home, garbage or at the local thrift store. Once my parents’ house was de-junked of my overflow, I started to really feel relief. Our real storage shed (the one located on our property) was sorted and lightened. The local thrift store gained an entire household of items.
Once the de-junking process was complete, I found my home to be manageable. Cleaning was no longer an overwhelming burden. Everything had a place and I knew where that place was. I could smell relief and see the finish line. I started on cleaning schedules: laundry day means washing and putting away ALL laundry…the reward is you get to have “clean sheet night” that evening. Each task in the home was put to a schedule. My husband was brought into the schedule and agreed to his part in helping maintain a spotless home. My children had their chores and were happy to comply. I have found joy in my children’s toys and organization is the key in helping them keep my sanity while allowing them to freely use and enjoy their toys.
Once excuse I had used in the past was: “I can’t seem to find cleaning supplies that are multi-purpose enough for my taste. I find one that does this and another that does that. My closet is full of sub-standard cleaning supplies.” That excuse is no longer valid. I have learned that the best cleaning supplies you can ever have are probably already in your pantry and laundry room: vinegar, water and bleach. I have yet to find 3 commercial products that are as efficient and multi-functional as these 3 items. Vinegar is by far my favorite. It ranges from shining your mirrors and windows to taking animal smell and dirt out of carpet. There is not a better degreaser out there than bleach. There is not a room in my home that can’t be cleaned, disinfected and sparkling with these 3 miracle items.
Tonight, I was sitting in my living room and was looking around. I was trying to think of what in the house needed done this week. I went through my mental check list: closets – all cleaned out within the last month; ceiling fans – all dusted a day ago; kitchen – all appliance cleaned out and everything scrubbed down in the last couple days; bathrooms – cleaned today; laundry – completed for the week. As I went through each item on my list, I realized with great satisfaction that my goal was actually achieved. Tonight I am going to bed in a spotless home. Tomorrow I will have work again: dishes are daily, laundry won’t all be complete anymore as the baskets will start to be filled again tomorrow; however, tonight…tonight I have that spotless home that I have been desiring for longer than I want to admit.
My new goal: maintain what myself and family has worked so hard to obtain!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: life changes, moving, Oklahoma City, vacations
My entire life I have lived in Utah. My parents have always been REALLY good about vacationing and allowing me as a child to experience the world in vacations. I have been greatly blessed to have visited many of the Continental US states as well as Hawaii. I have been fortunate to visit Mexico and not only Tijuana.
After I got married, finances didn’t allow for travel like I wanted but I have still been blessed with many great adventures. I was able to ride in a private jet from SLC to Van Nuys, California. I think that is the one and only time in my life that I will be able to fly in a Gulfstream. My husband and I were blessed to go visit friends of his in Brazil. Brazil is a destination that will never be forgotten and I always dream of returning. For a few years, Ben worked for Jetblue and we were able to travel the continent for free. California was a second home every other weekend! Oh, I loved that!
This last Christmas my parents gave my family the opportunity to see the Carribbean world of the Bahamas. What an experience. That is somewhere I could DEFINITELY lounge for a while! While my world traveling is nothing compared to that of others I know, I still recognize that I have been greatly blessed to see so many wonderful, beautiful places in the world. At the end of each excursion, I return home to my beloved home in Utah.
On December 26 (the day after Christmas) for the first time in my life I will be packing my children, husband and myself belongings and we will set off for a new adventure to live in Oklahoma. I keep trying to view this adventure as I have my vacations in the past, a brief intermission from my life in Utah. This intermission will last longer and will include daily life of school and work.
The prospect while exciting also involves change, something that always frightens me. After discussing and deciding to make this move with Ben, each night as I climb into my bed I mentally notch how many nights I have left to snuggle into my bed in my room in Utah. In Oklahoma, my new room and bed will be mine for the months we are there but they will not belong to me. I will try to make our dwelling a home, but how do you do that when your heart is in another state? Most of my heart will be in Oklahoma with my husband and children but another part that is very vital and cherished will be left in Utah with family, friends, possibly our dog and our home. When I allow my reasoning skills to deduct that this isn’t just an extended vacation to Oklahoma, my tear ducts burst and I feel homesick for a place I haven’t even left. So for now, it is a vacation…a long, extended vacation that includes work, school, laundry and other daily tasks.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: jumping on parents bed, perfect pictures, picture day
Friday was picture day. The words “Picture day” are homogeneous to haywire, nuts, crazy, absurd and amok! That is putting it nicely.
Friday morning Lyse, the daughter that didn’t have to be up, was wide-eyed and bushy tailed at 6:00 a.m. Imagine my joy! At 8:00 a.m. I was finally able to drag Katy out of bed. She had to leave for school in 30 minutes. In that 30 minutes I had to get her: showered, fed, dressed in clothes we both could agree on (previous nights attempts were futile), hair done gorgeous for school pictures and last but not least attempt a little makeup to make her eyes pop for the pictures.
NO, I am not one of “those moms” such as the run-way moms that make their daughters look like an adult in pictures. I actually was taught this technique by a friend. On school picture day, we would have the same photographer. While her children’s pictures were always so beautiful and appeared flawless, my children’s pictures were average school pictures.
One day we were talking about the difference and I asked if she paid the extra for photo shopping. She told me no, she just added a little makeup. “Make-up? Even on your boy?” I questioned. “Absolutely!” was her response. I had NEVER noticed make-up on her son. As we talked she said that she did simple things. First, she would put a tinted moisturizer onto their skin. That gave them an even complexion while allowing her son the dignity of not using “base” or “foundation”. She would also lightly brush mascara on their lashes and a slight blush on the cheeks. For her daughter she used a lip gloss and for her son chapstick. The next time we had pictures, I tried the technique. It WORKED! Ever since then, I have always tried to do the light make-up to make my children’s studio pictures look even better.
As Friday proceeded too quickly, I hastily rolled my daughters hair in curlers and started the light makeup. At 8:36 she was looking like the picture perfect princess and ready to walk out the door. I was grateful that I wasn’t driving and carpool was late! As Katy ran out the door, Lyse insisted it was her turn. I had promised that if she were good while I got Katy ready, I would put makeup on her; I had to stay true to my word.
As I pulled the curlers out of her hair, I saw for the first time in her life, bounce and body in her frail, straight, wisps of hair (although it didn’t last long). A little makeup and Lyse was ready for her pictures as well. That is where the snag was hit. I had no intentions of taking her for professional pictures (something I had also vocalized to her several times while doing her hair and makeup). I had told her we would take pictures of her but she wanted to be just like her big sister. She was heartbroken! In an attempt to bring a smile to his monkey’s face, Ben pulled out our camera and tried to snap a few pictures. She would have NONE of that. She did look so beautiful that I did want to capture it though.
As Ben prepared for work, I tried to coax Lyse into smiling for one or two pictures. As I did this a light bulb went off above my head…the bed. Lyse calls herself monkey. She is never just princess or Lyse. She is Monkey Lyse or Monkey Princess; monkey is hers, no other nickname or name for that matter is allowed. I asked my sweet girl if “Monkey wanted to jump on the bed”? Instantly, no more monkeys jumping on the bed was rehearsed as she climbed and bounced onto our (as in Ben and my) bed. An hour and and 250 pictures later, she was completely tuckered out! What a perfect memory!
I thought I would share some pictures of my monkey jumping on my bed (I could have shared about 70 that were REALLY good, but opted to stay under 10!)
Dear, I swear…Lady NEVER gets on the bed…this is all an illusion! 
Filed under: Uncategorized
My dog LOVES raw hide strips and I like to give them to her because it means I don’t have to brush her 
teeth. When she sees the bag, she will actually beg. She becomes completely obedient and does whatever is asked by anyone that holds the bag. Once the raw hide is in her mouth, she runs off to chew and chase her treat. I love to watch as she tosses the delight into the air and wrestles it back to the ground. Shortly after receiving the strip, she settles down into “her spot” and partakes in the joy of her snack.
Last night she found a discarded strip which had been thrown into the corner by her earlier as she was teasing her treat (I had left it there because it was out of the way). She had “forgotten” it as the door bell rang and she wanted to see who was behind the door (something she loves even more than her treat).
Last night, my husband and I watched Lady’s delight when she found her treat and started her ritual of teasing and chewing. Her treats are usually distributed every other day, in the morning. I have found this to be the best due to the fact that she has the day to chew and enjoy. Usually at some point during the day, she takes her strip out onto the patio, a place that is her domain. Many times the strips are found on the back step and I find a new place for them in the garbage. Other times, the strips disappear and dirt appears all over the patio!
This strip she was currently teasing was found later at night. Although an all-weather dog, Lady has been quite spoiled and is quite wimpy with cold weather. The chilly patio was not somewhere she was going to beg us to put her (rather she barked each time I put her out, whining that I would be so rude as to make her endure the 40 degree weather).
As the time quickly approached for her to kennel up as we retire for the night, Lady’s instinct of preserving her treat hit. While preparing the house for the night, I walked into the living room to find Lady digging into the couch. She was attempting to bury her raw hide strip into the corner of the couch. You can imagine my delight! I firmly ordered her off the couch and then in a more gentle tone told her that the couch was not a place to bury her bone, if she wanted to do that she would need to go outside. Her head cocked to the side with the questioning look, the way it has so cutely done since she was a puppy.
I can always tell whether she is listening to me or not based on her ears. When she is obeying her ears are reclined back, when she is following her own desire her ears are forward. (It is funny to watch her when the vacuum is on and I order her to sit and stay…her ears go back and forth as she tries to be diligent to the command but all she really wants to do is chase the vacuum) Lady’s ears were back as she picked up her strip and ran to the back door. She stood there for a moment then came to see what was taking me so long. She had understood my order that outdoors was for burying, not the living room. Her natural instinct to protect and safeguard her treat for a future time over-rode her detestations to the cold.
It never ceases to amaze me that every living creature has an instinct that will override any aversion they may have. For Lady, the cold was nothing compared to burying her strip (although as soon as the deed was done she did let me know she wanted back in). For me, my natural instincts are to provide for and protect my children and husband. I honestly think I would brave any fear if it meant protecting or providing for my family.
When I think of the pioneers that braved the unknown to provide more for their families, I have questioned why such strong, healthy people would die. Most were healthy upon departure and had food; they should have been able to survive for a couple months. Then I realized that like me, they were parents. My natural instinct to protect and provide for my husband and children would have been the same instincts of those mothers. I now have a firm understanding of why so many strong mothers perished in pursuit of Utah, their instincts told them to protect and provide for their loved ones first.
Once again, I have rambled. I know that my blogs and I tend to be circumlocution, but that is why you love me and the blog right?!?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: 4 seasons, Alpine Loop, Autumn, beautiful fall foliage, seasons changing
One of the biggest reasons I love living in Utah has to do with the climate. I love how the climate changes. Even though it is inconvenient to have snow in the middle of June at times, I love that we have all four seasons.
With each Equinox and Solstice, it is more than just a date on the calendar. In Utah, I am able to partake in the change. Although I love to vacation to destinations that have 2 seasons, wet and dry, my heart belongs to all 4 seasons.
Winter for so many people holds darkness and despair. For me, winter starts warm. Although the weather is blistery, I look forward to the snow, the smells and the caroling. After all, Christmas is only a few days after the “first official day” of winter. As winter proceeds, I will admit, it can become cold and dreary. That just makes the welcoming of spring and summer that much more appreciated. You can’t appreciate the warmth if you have never felt the cold.
In the spring, I welcome the budding trees, pollen rich air and new growth. In Spring I see new life. I always get a little more baby hungry come spring time! I love to watch the earth as it melts away the cold and dreary mounds of winter and turns those into rushing streams and rivers. The smells of spring make the senses alert and aware of change.
As the warmth of summer warms my skin (sometimes too much) I look forward to the romance of summer. Summer holds love. Amore with: the swimming pools refreshing water lapping heat from your skin; warm nights filled with brilliant stars; the smell of camp fire smoke; embracing on that grassy knoll as fireworks boom overhead. Summer is when Ben and I fell in love, so summer always holds romance for me.
As autumn approaches my senses are enlightened. Autumn is MY season. I love the relief that comes from the heat. I love the anticipation of Holidays and snow. I love the beauty the Earth gives as she settles in and prepares for winter. Such beauty holds in it death. The warm colors manifested in autumn happen to be my favorites. I love to see red, orange, yellow and brown. Happiness radiates from these colors. For me, autumn doesn’t mean death. Autumn is life renewing.
Life renewing you ask? Yes! I know that the beauty held in those trees belongs to nature’s course. The trees must grow and change. Autumn brings that change. Before new life can form for that tree, the previous year’s growths must be acknowledged in the trunk and everything else shook off. The trees transformation and growth can not come unless it sheds the year’s progression. If a tree were to resist the change and try to hold onto all of its leaves through the winter, the tree would wither and die. It doesn’t have the strength to provide life to the leaves and core in the bitterness of winter.
This relates to me in so many ways. I use autumn as my reminder that my life changes. Each year my life adds another line (sometimes those lines literally appear on my face). Each line holds so many dear memories. I have to cherish each and everyone one of those because no two lines will be exactly alike. Some years will be thick from great nourishment; others will be dark and thin from the drought.
If I try to sustain all my year’s progression and resist the change, I would become stagnant. Unlike a tree, most likely my body would not die; however, in forcing nature to stop, I would be preventing a renewal of myself and future growth. I would not be able to stop the natural force of growing older, yet I would miss out on the blessings and wisdom I could receive from that year. That is what autumn is…the beginning of the renewal.
Autumn holds life! To celebrate autumn (and to make people jealous of the GREAT state I live in) I am posting pictures from this last Friday. My husband, children and myself took a WONDERFUL drive around the back-side of Mt. Timpanogas, a drive that is named, the “Alpine Loop”. If you live in Utah, this is something that you shouldn’t miss out on!
None have been photoshopped yet…so live with it (I will try to get around to it over the next little bit).
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: blessings, failing economy, financial ruin, loosing business
A lady, we will call her “Betty”, and 2 of her best friends were looking for a hobby. As the hobby grew into a business, the friends opened up shop. The opening showed that there was promise and within the first month, the three friends had recouped all starting expenses and actually had a positive cash flow. Each month they were able to cover all expenses plus each was able to take home a couple thousand. Not a bad income for hobby turned business (or any business for that matter). Within 6 months, the company was booming. Betty brought home at least $10,000 a month now and was rivaling her husband for who brought home more. The future looked extremely bright.
One year into the business, everything was still soaring. Betty and her friends were now taking home $12,000 to $15,000 each month. As the business grew, a decision was eminent. Betty and her friends had started to enjoy the money so much each month that they had actually become dependent upon it; however, for the company to maintain and grow they needed a bigger store. The friends discussed it, and then took their decisions to their husbands.
“Our company has grown and grown. We want to open a business in a bigger facility. We have each decided that we will put forth $150,000 towards this growth. Sara and Amy are dependent upon the business for help with their mortgages. They don’t have the liquid funds. The market has helped more than just our business, our homes all have sky rocketed in value and they are both refinancing and taking out cash from their homes for the business. I had thought about emptying our retirement instead of putting up our house, but as I thought about it, the house payment wouldn’t increase that much and if the project profits remain even the same, we will have it paid off in a year, 2 at most.” Betty put on the charm in convincing her husband.
As Betty and her husband discussed it, they decided they would do the same as Amy and Sara. “At least if we fail, we all lose our homes together!” Betty’s husband joked.
One year later, I walked through the doors of a store near my mom’s house. I had heard that the going out of business sale was amazing and wanted to check it out. As I leisurely walked through the store, the store associate approached me.
“May I help you find anything in particular?” she routinely inquires. As I look upon this lady, I notice bags around her eyes and swollen lids which imply recent salty tears.
“Just seeing if there is anything fun.” I responded in a cheery voice. “I thought I would take advantage of the sale to get some home decor pretty cheap. I had heard it was really great pricing and everyone was right!”
“Unfortunately, that is true.” The associate responds. The ache in her voice tells me she needs to talk. I have time and the store is empty so I questioned her about this and that item for some time. When I had drawn up enough courage I asked, “So do you have another job lined up or are you just waiting to see?”
Immediately I question if I should have asked. As the tears stream down her face, my heart wanted me to wrap my arms around this woman I have never met before this day.
“Actually, I am the owner. My name is Betty.” Betty then proceeds to tell me about her financial demise. I learn of the fat years and dream of what it would be like to bring in $12,000 a month, for even one year. No debt and a house almost paid for would be my plans. As I listen to her, I realize how easy it would have been to make her same choice.
“We gave it our all, and it was working. The lease was $12,000 a month but we knew we could make it. Getting enough products to fill all the shelves took most of the loaned money. The first couple months, we did great. We brought in more than we could have ever imagined. Even with higher expenses, we still brought in about $10,000 to $12,000.” Betty’s voice broke as she mentioned a time that was now just a memory.
“We risked it all, all of us did. We are now loosing it all. We can’t make the lease and the owner is holding us to the money each month. Most months we have to choose between house payments or breaking contract on the lease. Since it puts not only ourselves in jeopardy, we all were working on the lease. Amy was 2 months behind on her mortgage before we found out. Sara and I were both a month behind.” The tears poured down her face as she mentioned her financial woes.
“When we talked, we decided that keeping our homes was more important. If it comes between paying the mortgage or the lease, we pay the mortgage. We have all been financially ruined. Each of us has filed bankruptcy. We had hoped to file it for the company and save our husband’s personal identities from the FICO hit. We found out too late that because our homes were used as collateral and our husband’s are on the mortgages and deeds, it doesn’t matter. This would have never happened but when the economy went soft, people stopped worrying about decorating their homes and started worrying about paying for them.”
My heart was breaking as I listened to Betty tell me about how she hoped to have somewhere to live in 2 months because she wasn’t sure she would be able to keep her home in the bankruptcy. Then she said something that brought tears to my eyes…
“But at least I have my family. My children are healthy, my husband is healthy and I am healthy. My friends and I are still friends. Not one of us has been selfish and tried to save ourselves as we watch our friends whither. We really are in this together. I know we will make it through. It could be worse; I could be losing a child to cancer or a husband to a car accident. I have my family and I have friends that are as close as family. That is the best blessing I could ever have.”
The joys that Betty mentioned made me realized how blessed I was. I have a healthy family. I have friends that are honest and would fulfill their obligations as Betty’s had. I am able to pay my bills. I am truly blessed. At times when I get overwhelmed with where I sit in life, I think about Betty with tear swollen eyes counting her blessings of health and good family and friends. I have a feeling she will be okay, mainly because I think she has her priorities straight. Money comes and goes the economy changes. The generation that lived through the great depression struggled to live and many lost everything but they learned to value love. I think Betty has learned that lesson better than many!
