Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Best Presidential Candidate, Do our votes count?, Presidential power, Representation in government, The best person for the job of President, Why always the lesser of two evils?
Our nation was founded on the basis that the people would run the nation. The government would have no or little say in what would be said or done, the voice would be that of the people. The people leaving the tyranny of England wanted no more oppression. They did not want a strong centralized government. A check and balance system was created to try and prevent massive power to one person.
What our forefathers didn’t count on were the corrupt, greedy, dishonest people that would do anything for more power and money. They didn’t realize that to be President of the United States would become a popularity contest among the cool kids; average folk need not apply.
Our nation was created on a basic system: the people would decide on a representative for the government and had control over what government decisions were made. Our nation has slowly digressed to a nation in which the government gives you the choice between 2 people and if you live in the right state your vote will count. Your representative may or may not represent your values and interests. Many times they are swayed to vote how special interest or other lawmakers feel.
Before the $700 Billion Bail Out was denied today, President Bush urged members of Congress to forget about who they represented and look at what our nation needed. He stomped on the very values our forefathers wanted held as sacred, the ability for the people to have a voice, not the government. Many lawmakers agreed that if elections were not so close, they would have voted differently; however, they were worried about getting elected back into office. Great to know…you are only teasing me with making the right choice right before an election. Come next January, all bets are off, you will hold your office for another 2-4 years and only need to behave a couple months before.
When are we going to step up and say, “Enough!”? I fear our Nation is no longer the entity that our forefathers fought, and many died, for. I fear we have allowed our Government the right to tell us we get to pick between A or B. We are no longer allowed a C, D, E, F, G, etc. We have to fit within a mold set by our Representative (the same that only represent us how we feel if the right interest group gets a hold of them first).
If I were to declare one party, I would have to say I side with Republicans more often than not. I unfortunately have to admit that I was one of the stupid ones that voted Bush for a second office (not that it would have mattered…Utah is pretty much guaranteed Republican electoral). I figured why waste a vote and honestly, Bush was better than the other choice (I thought).
Why must it always come down to the lesser of two evils? Why can’t the guy that would honestly be the best choice be the one in office? Colin Powell would have been an amazing President, but he was just too good for the job! He had his values on what was really important, instead of what the other lawmakers and special interest groups wanted him to convince us we wanted.
The best candidate for President of the United States shouldn’t be selling us like a used car salesman tries to get rid of the 90 day old lemon on his lot. The best presidential candidate isn’t going to be so rich that he doesn’t really remember what it was like to make under $80,000. The best presidential candidate isn’t going to be the smoothest talker or have the best looks.
I guess the answer to who the best presidential candidate would be isn’t a one line answer. The best president is one that decides his family and their safety is more important than a couple years of power and limelight as President of the United States of America. The best person for the job is the one that is actually doing their part in the country, state, city they reside by working hard and serving others (schools can ALWAYS use volunteers). Find me a presidential candidate that is willing to walk away from the power and prestige and get down in the mud and work (without cameras or press there to show how great he is). I want a President that goes to a college not because of the name and prestige associated with the University, rather the choice is made based on what he can afford and still get a good education. Show me the person who would honestly and willingly take no pay at all to fulfill a duty that they feel is worthy of pure service for it is in that person you would find the truly amazing President of the United States that we all seek.
The best person for the job isn’t a person that would run for office because they don’t care about power; they care about making a difference and changing the world, creating a better place. Real change doesn’t take place with a lunch, piece of paper and bribe in pocket. Real change takes place as we step out the door, find someone to help and then do it (even if it means getting your hands dirty).
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: baby boomers, history repeating itself, stock market crash, stock market crash affect on baby boomers, taking care of parents, what does the future hold?, worried for parents with economy
Today as the Dow plummeted, I called my dad to make sure he hadn’t had a heart attack. My dad is a worrier even when there isn’t anything to stress (you now know who to blame for how I am). Since he was having severe heart problems this weekend, has had 2 sever heart attacks in the past and has been stressing money, I knew that stocks plummeting would have him beside himself.
As I talked with my dad, I could hear the worry edged in his voice. My dad is a baby boomer. The plan was for him to have an earlier retirement that was until his company sold out his division. With all his heart problems an early retirement would have been a great thing for my dad.
My dad is always one that is prepared. He pays his debts then he plays. Any debt he now accrues does not exist without money to pay it off in full. He uses credit cards monthly for “free” money, so he can gain interest in his bank account. I don’t know the last time my dad actually paid interest of any sorts to a credit card company. My dad had his house paid off within 15 years of living there. After it was paid off, he started saving for the updating and remodeling they wanted when they first moved in. My mom didn’t get a new kitchen until a year ago, something she had wanted for 20 years.
My dad loves to vacation, but even more he likes to have money saved before. I have always known that my dad had money. When I looked towards the future, I never saw my parents as having financial hardships once retired. Even with all the medicines my dad takes for his heart, I saw and knew their retirement. They were well taken care of. Growing up, I had all my needs and then some fulfilled. I went on several family vacations. Before I was married I had been to several countries, states and Disneyland more than I could count. In high school, I had a car to drive with insurance completely paid. All I had to do was get good grades and pay for gas (most of the time 
).
401k was not something that existed when my dad started preparing for his retirement. That generation was always told that Social Security would be around to help out. In the 1990’s 401k’s became the new thing as people realized that Social Security wasn’t going to be all that social and it definitely wasn’t secure. After a lifetime of paying into it, many baby boomers were starting to worry that nothing would be left for them.
Stocks, invest. That is what most baby boomers were advised. Invest in long term stocks for your retirement. Each company had different options. Companies with stock options were considered golden, especially Fortune 500 companies like the one my dad worked for. His stock options were amazing. 401k was all tied into stock; they didn’t really get any other options. Of course, most employees bought into these options because how can you pass up purchasing these stocks at a steal of a deal?
Most people that work for major companies have a 401k option. Retirement is where it is at. After all, do you want to spend your golden years working as a greeter at Wal-Mart? The company that my dad worked for had great benefits that were cheap. The employee stock purchase program was amazing. My dad always saved on the side but his retirement was tied to this company stock. The company was always at the top and did great; my dad’s retirement looked outstanding.
On September 11, 2001, stocks plummeted. My dad lost tens of thousands upon thousands of dollars in the stock market. When I spoke to him, his exact words were, “I am still farther ahead than I was before, and I am ok. I can’t count my chicks until all the eggs hatch.” In other words, he was ok. He lost money but it was something that happened time to time. My dad invested for long-term, he wouldn’t jump ship. He held his course and looked to the future.
Since September 2001, my dad has had 2 major heart attacks. The first heart attack he set a record in Utah for the highest level creatine phosphokinase (CPK), in the blood and surviving. His second heart attack was extremely critical, mainly because it was 6 months after his first. After a defibrillator was put in his heart, he has had several heart attacks prevented.
My dad was supposed to have an early retirement. The company had a policy: if you worked for the company for 25 years and were over the age of 53, you were eligible for early retirement. You would retire with full medical benefits for the remainder of your life. Your spouse would have benefits as well. You would receive 40% of your highest paid years as well as all your stocks would be completely vested and you could withdraw any of them with no penalty. Sounds like a great retirement deal huh?
The company had a big group of baby boomers that had been with the company for almost all, if not all, their adult working life. A year before many would start being eligible for retirement, the company started to sell off different divisions. $1 billion for this division, $5 for that one. The company sold off the branches that had the most people eligible for retirement. He was starting to stress retirement; after all, what if his branch was sold off? He was supposed to be retired, instead he would have to work for another couple years. Retirement age was now set at 58. He would be with the company for 30 years at that point. Then he was sold and his future changed.
Today I called my dad when everything went berserk. For the first time in his life, he doesn’t have a financial plan. He lost over $100k in stocks, the original company froze all assets and is refusing people the ability to withdraw (short sell). The company he was sold to doesn’t have great benefits of any sort; his retirement was vested in the original company (one of the only good things employees got in the buy-out). The company my dad started with is collapsing. He has a savings that I would LOVE to have on hand. I dream of the day that I have $50k in a savings account; however, I don’t want that to be my sole retirement when I am almost 60. He is now ready and needing to retire for health reasons, but can’t.
Since September 11, the main company in which he worked and has retirement stock in has never made a full recovery. They would gain and loose like any company, but the stocks never really soared again. He held out because it was only a year, but each year came and went as each new change was made to prevent his plans. He was in it for the long haul, but was the company?
I have always had the security that no matter what, my dad would be able to take care of him and my mom as they grew old together. The one thing my dad worked so hard to prevent was history repeating: his children taking care of him and my mom financially like he did for his parents. I now look and see that in 20 years I may be sitting at his kitchen table with my laptop typing in the dollars that need to go from my bank account to pay for his utilities, food, medicines; the same thing I saw my dad always try to prevent, what he would do with his parents, only altered by the laptop instead of a checkbook.
I guess no matter how hard you plan and work, sometimes history repeating itself is inevitable.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: jealous of flying, love of airplanes, Overcoming feelings of betrayal and jealousy, reasons for betrayal, reasons for jealousy, RV-7 kit build airplane, thinking of feelings
My husband has been yearning to fly with his dad lately. His dad built an airplane (RV-7) and recently completed it with the final paint job. The plane does look good. The plane is certified for aerobatic use, something most planes are not. I think every pilot has the desire to do aerobatics at some point, some find the desire to be stronger than others. The sad fact is most of those pilots do barrel rolls and loops illegally in Cessna’s, Diamond’s and other non-aerobatic certified planes. My husband has never attempted such acts due to the fact that he has never flown an aerobatic rated plane. He has one experience in his dad’s airplane in which he was able to experience rolls and such, but he was not allowed to control the airplane. Knowing the desire of my husband, I arranged for his dad and him to have a day flying.
Prior to my husband’s flight, Papa took up each girl individually (the plane only seats 2). My girls thoroughly enjoyed their ride in the plane, although I did hear a little complaint from the oldest regarding how short the length was. As my husband and his dad started the plane and headed off towards the world in the sky, I said a little prayer and loaded up my girls to go and do errands.
I had reached the main road when suddenly I was furious at my husband. Why you ask? This is something that is quite hard to explain. Each time my husband has been airborne without me, I feel extremely betrayed. Betrayal is such an odd feeling, the irrational feeling is jealousy. Jealousy would also fit except my desire is not to be in the plane and him on the ground. I am jealous of his passionate love for the sky. It is the only thing that rivals his heart from me.
My husband has come to realize that if he is going to be flying without me in the plane, he will receive a missed phone call about 30 minutes into the lesson, session or joy ride, another 10 minutes later and another 10 minutes later. That pattern will continually repeat itself until he answers the phone to an erratically pissed off wife on the other end. Even with this, his passion for the sky has never faltered.
Today as the feeling of betrayal rushed over my body I stopped my emotions to think. Today was not a day that my husband had planned to fly. It was not something he had arranged. Today was something I made happen to see my husband’s face become elated, yet I was dampening that spirit with an ugly beast. Why was I so mad?
I started to look at my feelings. I knew that I had been irrational in the past. It was something I had tried to curb but never managed too. I love that he flies; I love his passion for the plane and sky. Why I am trying to squelch this love with irrational feelings? In order to answer that, I had to first realize what feelings I was actually feeling.
I first recognized anger but as I dug deeper I sensed it was more. I didn’t just feel angry, I felt betrayed. Why? I honestly don’t know. I don’t think it is possible to always attach a reason to a feeling that is felt. I think there are some people that can and will always be able to do that, but I think the masses (especially among women) will have some point in which they are feeling sad, happy, quiet or angry and not be able to attach a specific reason to that emotion. As I contemplated the reason for feeling betrayed it occurred to me that part of it could be that there was also jealousy.
Jealousy is one of those emotions that we all have at times. We have the choice to follow the urges we feel in jealousy and look like a monster or conquer the feeling and move on. I think some are more apt to feel jealousy than others. I am not a jealous person by nature, unless it involves my husband. I will fully admit, I have become jealous of people my husband has worked with, especially women. There are 3 women specifically that I can recall that have caused me great jealousy. The first was before we were even engaged and she wanted to date my husband when I was dating him. She would always find ways to arrive at places he was going to be. As time went by and she saw I was always there too, I received the evil eye and other things. I would always be jealous when I saw them talking cause I knew what she wanted and well Ben wasn’t as keyed in on it all. In all the cases, it wasn’t the actions of my husband that caused the jealousy rather the actions of the women.
The other jealousy ladies were both after we were married. One was in a bad marriage and would “counsel” with my husband often about it…didn’t like that at all. The other was single and was overly friendly with me when I was around. My husband would tell me things she did and said when I wasn’t present and I could tell that she wasn’t just being “friendly”. She viewed me as competition. My husband and I one night were talking and I voiced my concern for the latter lady. As we discussed it, he also told me that he had some concerns about her and her actions and was watching the situation very closely. Although she often offered to go to lunch with him or other things, he would always be busy or be going to lunch with me. Other than those women, I can’t think of many other times in my life that I have felt honest to goodness jealousy.
Today I realized that I felt jealousy and betrayal. The jealousy and betrayal weren’t in regards to who my husband was with (his dad) yet rather where my husband was. I didn’t desire to be soaring while he was grounded, so why would I feel jealousy or betrayal. This caused for digging even deeper into my psyche.
Loyalty. I am fiercely loyal, almost to a fault. Due to my strong loyalty, I expect the same from others. When I don’t see or feel that loyalty, I feel great disappointment and sadness, sometimes even anger or betrayal.
I could now see that loyalty played a role into my feelings. As I tied loyalty, betrayal and jealousy together, I had an epiphany. I was afraid that my husband’s loyalty to me feigned with his passion for the sky. I felt betrayed and jealousy of his passion. When he takes flight without me, I am left out of that passion. I never feel any of these feelings when I am in the plane beside him.
Now that I understand my insanity, I hope that I can cure it. My husband can’t make love to the sky nor can he share his innermost feelings with it. However, these feelings arise when I am not with him in-flight because he was born with an innate amour and ability for flying. Fighting against something he was born to do and love is something that I cannot compete with. Thus, my conclusion is that those feelings occur because the only thing that rivals with my love for his heart is the heavens above.
- This is an RV-7. This is the type of plane that Ben flew today with his dad but not the actual plane. I don’t have any pictures of the RV or I would post that one instead.
The zoo is one of my favorite places to go. Even when we go on vacations, we enjoy seeing the zoos or animal attractions. Sea World, San Diego is one of our favorite places to visit; we even held season passes for a couple years. When we no longer had free flight benefits we unfortunately had to let that love pass away.
The Hogle Zoo in Utah is nowhere close to Sea World, but it is the best we’ve got. We have a season pass and the girls and I enjoy occasional days at the zoo. My husband should and could come but a “great” excuse is always found right before we leave. He doesn’t love the zoo, but he does love Sea World. The Hogle Zoo is nestled in the mouth of Emigration Canyon. The zoo has a diverse foliage cover from many trees. The animal habitats are slowly growing bigger and better. The best part is the animals. 
Although there are no Polar Bears or Lions, there are a plethora of other animals. My children always love the giraffes, white alligator (Ghost of the Bayou), monkeys, bears and zebras.
Our zoo pass allows my husband and I plus 1 other adult and up to 6 children into the zoo for free. The pass is about to run out and the money is not in the bank account to renew, come September 30, we can no longer explore the zoo without either paying a fee or renewing our membership. That is something that annoys me seeing that I pay taxes to upkeep the zoo yet I can’t go to the zoo without either spending a mini fortune on individual tickets or a season pass. Even with that annoyance, I still enjoy and love the zoo.
My mom had wanted to see the “Ghost of the Bayou” white alligator since it arrived in Utah over a year ago. Since she had a day off work we decided it was a good day for a zoo outing. Although the plans called for us to leave at 9:00, we were unable to head towards the zoo until after noon and with 3 extra kids in tow.
The drive to the zoo is enjoyable. You can take I-215 (“the belt route”) up along the East Bench of the 
Wasatch Mountains. The view is breathtaking along that section of the belt route. The road goes right up along the mountainside and the children always enjoy being that close to our beautiful peaks of the Wasatch Mountains. While right next to the mountain, you have a view of the beautiful valley and Great Salt Lake. As our car grew nearer to the “big” mountains, my daughter became quite excited.
My youngest daughter loves hiking in the mountains and she is rather good at it. This last summer as my husband’s family was hiking near Heber City, Utah, my sweet little girl was the leader of the pack. As everyone grew tired and turned around she begged to continue on. She is natural in nature!
While driving along, a sweet voice from in the back said, “I wish I had a ladder”. I looked over at our beautiful mountain that was so close to the car and thought that possibly she had mentioned that because she wanted to go hiking. My mom was not quite as clued in as I was. Quite perplexed, my mom asked my little one why she would need a ladder. As if the answer was as plain as day my daughter replied, “So that I can get on the mountain”. My mom and I both smiled and had shared a laugh.
The ladder
was the only way my 3 year old could think of that would get her into those tall mountains. I thought it was a rather ingenious thought on how to accomplish the desire of her heart. My mom explained that a ladder would not reach the peak of the mountain and then my mom and daughter conversed about how much my little one loves hiking in the mountains. The two of them made plans for the next week while my mom was off work to go and hike a local trail to “Donut Falls”. I can just imagine that my daughter is expecting donuts to be there instead of water falling through a hole that looks like a donut. I think I will have to make sure to take a donut up for her so that her little heart isn’t completely broken when she can’t find the expected donut at the end of the trail.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: birth of children, happiness in life, joys of parenthood, miscarriage
Life has an interesting way of showing us the path we are supposed to be on. I always feel as though it is our Heavenly Fathers gently hand nudging (and sometimes pushing) us forward. As each trial ends and a new one begins, I am able to witness the miracles I have been blessed with.
I always wanted a large family. When my husband and I discussed having children, we both felt that the Lord was in control and that we were meant to have a family. I had always felt that becoming pregnant would be hard for me. In the beginning I didn’t have any physical signs that stood out like a neon billboard that I would have problems with conception; it was more of an intuition.
When I found out that I was pregnant 3 weeks after I was married, I didn’t know how to react. I had never been sexual active before marriage so getting a positive test before being married a month caused a bit of panic at first. I didn’t realize how the woman’s body worked. I thought that pregnancy began when you had sex; I had no clue that it started 2 weeks before that when you finished your period and your ovulation cycle restarted. When my period ended about a week before getting married I was relieved that I wouldn’t be dealing with that on my wedding day; I had no clue that it also meant that I would be having sex, and lots of it, right during the most fertile time of the month. OY!
As the baby grew in my stomach and my stomach nausea subsided, I grew to love that baby more than I could ever know. The day we received the ultrasound to find out the gender, I was so excited. The words, “It’s a girl” left the techs mouth at the same moment as I was watching my daughter twist and turn in my stomach. Then something wasn’t right. I heard an “oh” and a “hmm” as the tech frantically typed into her screen and highlighted a set area at the base of her skull. When I asked what was wrong she informed me she couldn’t say anything and the doctor would talk to us. All joy left my body. When my sister called to ask about the gender, I was so upset over not knowing what was wrong, I made my husband talk to her. My sister thought it was because I wanted a boy and disappointed it was a girl; it wasn’t until a couple days later when I was able to share my burden that she fully understood what I was going through at that moment. A few test and ultrasound later, all our fears of the worst were subsided. The growth went away, our daughter was healthy. What a miracle.
The minute I held our 6 lb 8 oz little girl, I knew I had found a love that I would have never been able to without her. I had a husband I worried and cared about, but I had never felt such a strong feeling of needing to protect and provide for anything in my life. After the room was quiet, I sat watching my husband hold and adore our first born. He was so natural. I will never forget the look in his eyes as he looked down on our beautiful little girl. I actually had to beg him to let me hold her again.
As I sat watching daddy and daughter bond, my husband looked up at me and said, “Let’s have another”. My uterus shouted in protest as I said, “I agree”. As our daughter grew, the desire for another one became stronger. When she was just 9 months old we started trying to get pregnant again. This time wasn’t quite as easy.
After 9 months of trying, we finally got a test back that we were excited to see…Positive. As the tears poured out of my eyes, I walked out of the bathroom to my husband. Seeing the tears he instantly started to console as he had in prior months. I looked up, smiled and said, “Positive”. I think he nearly jumped through the roof.
As the pregnancy proceeded, I felt like something was off, something wasn’t right. It had to be the doctor. I hadn’t been in to see the doctor yet and I was meant to find a new one. I just knew that had to be it. I didn’t want to go to the doctor. I didn’t feel “comfortable”. I never realized that those exact feelings were telling me something.
I finally made it to my first doctor’s appointment when I was 11 weeks and 2 days along. The doctor put the warm jelly on my stomach and moved the little microphone around my belly. Nothing. The doctor gave an odd look and then tried again. After a third try she said that we could be off on the days and that she wanted to send me down for an Ultrasound.
As I walked through the dimly lit room to sit in the medical chair, I remembered that day years earlier when I had been told, “It’s a girl”. The feeling I felt was oddly familiar, like something that should be joyful would be overshadowed by something else. The technician this time was a man, a sweet, balding, middle-aged man who wore spectacles. He was the picture perfect doctor type.
As he poured the cold jelly onto my stomach I wondered why the doctors were nice and warmed it while the techs were mean and just dumped ice onto your stomach. The jelly oozed around my stomach as the sweet man jabbed me with the ultrasound machine. I was no longer thinking he was sweet. As he found my uterus stillness entered the room. We all held our breath, hoping to hear the little hummingbird heart beat. Nothing.
After a second, more invasive ultrasound, the tech removed the glasses from his eyes, pinched the top of his nose where the glasses had been and said in a crestfallen voice, “There is no heart beat”. Tears started to stream from my eyes, my husband was speechless and agony marred his face. The sweet older man pleaded, “Please don’t do that, you are making me cry too”. As the sobs left my mouth the sweet old man wiped a tear from his eyes as well. He told us to stay in the room as long as we wanted and when we were ready he would take us back upstairs.
The room suddenly felt like a crypt, dark, musty and a place I did not want to be. As I stared at the now blank screen, I wiped the ooze off my stomach and prepared to leave as quickly as possible. Upon exiting the room, the man was once again composed. He led us back to the doctor’s office, but this time it was not through the main door. We walked in a back door that led directly to an office, an office I had never seen and pray I never have to see again. This is “the” office. The place where the patient’s whose body no longer have a living being in them are taken so they can conference with the doctor. As we spoke with my doctor, she reassured us that we could try again immediately if we wanted. We discussed the length of time (9 months) it had taken us to conceive and how we worried that it would be a long wait again. She tried to reassure and wanting to please I pretended that it did so she wouldn’t be hurt. She wanted my body to take the process naturally but to call and let her know if it hadn’t within a week and she would arrange for the procedure. “Please,” I prayed, “let this be rid of my body quickly, I can’t…” my prayer ended as I struggled to recompose myself.
The ride home took forever, the call to family and friends was not something I wanted nor was I willing to do. My loving husband took that all upon himself. What an amazing man! I could see how deeply he was hurting. The pain was so evident on his face. Each family member took it differently. Some reacted with callousness, others with sympathy. No one we knew had empathy; none of them had lost a baby. I was the sore loser that couldn’t have a body that worked.
The next day as my body actually started the process of expunging the baby, prayers were never ceasing. I honestly can say that every prayer prayed was answered that day. My husband was unable to make it home from work, so I was left alone with our daughter while my body went through the process. I have never had such a dark moment in my life. I felt inadequate, alone and like a complete failure. I had let myself down and made my husband hurt. As the pain grew, I called the doctor asking for help or advice. I was advised if the pain was too much I should go to the ER. I was in no condition to walk, much less drive. Since I was alone, I curled on the couch in fetal position and cried.
My daughter miraculously slept through this all. A great blessing that day was she slept through the worst of my pain, when there was no way I would have been able to care for her. The bleeding was a huge concern because I knew that loosing that much blood that quickly wasn’t good. I did not have the money to pay for an ambulance so I called my husband on his cell phone. He sat driving his work van in agony listening to me just cry because I could do nothing else.
I have never felt such embarrassment, such humiliation. When my neighbor came to the door, I ran and hid. I could not let someone see me after what had happened. I wished there was a hole that I could hide in and not let anyone see my shame. My body had killed the one thing it was supposed to create.
As the saying goes, time healed my wounds. The doctor was right and we were able to conceive 4 months later. Our beautiful second daughter was born about 1 year after I had miscarried. In the hospital as I looked down on our bald, beautiful 7 lb 1 oz little girl, I thought for sure my heart would burst from love, happiness and joy. She was perfect and healthy and the agony from the year previous was overridden with joy and love for a new child. As I held our second daughter the recollection of the horrible day about a year previous rushed into my mind. The pain washed over my body and then I looked at my beautiful daughter, as quickly as the pain had washed over my body, peace, love and happiness replaced it. My joy found in her was greater because of the pain I had previously experienced. I loved my children more and appreciated them more than I could express. My husband looked at me once again and said, “Let’s do this again”, and I agreed.
This last month as I received the positive pregnancy test, my heart fell because I knew this pregnancy would not provide us with a child we had been trying for over a year to bring to this world. The only reason I took the test was because the doctor needed to rule that out as a possibility for why my body was doing what it was doing. The pain was nowhere near as close as it was the first time. Before the test was even taken I already knew there was no chance of a baby this month; however, receiving that little “+” hurt worse than receive the “-”.
As I sit I count my blessings, all of them snuggled in bed. My husband is my life, more today than he was the day I married him. I could never love anyone more. My daughters bring sunshine, laughter, smiles and flowers into my canvas of life. Hopefully history will repeats itself and in a year I will be feeding our newest blessing and pondering over what happened just over a year previous. If not, I will still say a prayer of thanks to my Father in Heaven for what he has given me, a beautiful life with the best husband and children anyone could ever ask for.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Humans as a general rule are rebellious. I know very few people that enjoy being told what to do and when to do it and have no issue or qualms over that. You have a few that will unquestioning do what is asked of them. After you take out those people, you have part that will fight and refuse and you have the remaining amount that will do what is asked but whine and complain the entire time.
My sister is in the minority, especially among teenagers. She is obedient, almost to a fault. She is actually pretty close to the “perfect teenager” most parents’ dream of. She comes home from school and makes sure all her homework is done. Her grades have never been below B’s. If she wants to go out with friends but my parents want to go to bed, she will cancel with friends. She has never been late to curfew and she doesn’t fight the curfew given. I often tease her that she couldn’t go to the bathroom without permission. (I love ya and you know it ) Why can that cause fault? She struggles with making decisions on her own: she would rather be told what to do and obey.
When I was a teenager, I would fight my parents on curfew, having to finish homework before going out with friends and whether or not it was a good time to play with friends instead of being home with family. When I didn’t get my way, my parents KNEW I was not happy. I never snuck out though. I would say that I was one of those that does what is asked but complains that they have to conform. I never had bad grades but if I had dedicated myself like my sister, I would have had straight A’s. Instead, I averaged a B+, A- GPA.
As a teenager, many times I found myself scheming with friends on how to get around my parental situation. When a “get together” was planned with friends but banned by parents, a “study group” was formed that I just couldn’t miss; after all, I needed the good grades. When all the friends got together, we did study; however, the entire session was not studying our English or Math homework. I remember one such study session very well. It was at my friend’s house (he is now my husband). My boyfriend was going to be there as well as all my close girl friends. I HAD to go. My parents wanted me at my brother’s engagement party. When all options and arguments failed, I brought out the, “but I have to study and get ready for a huge preparation AP test”. It worked like a charm. We did study our English study guide that night, while chatting and enjoying friendships. My boyfriend and I snuggled and held hands while we discussed our scholastic studies (of course we stayed on task the entire time )
Now when you relate that story to obedience, was I not obedient because I chose to use academics as a reason I couldn’t miss it? I don’t know what the correct answer is. We did study, I did learn; when you get down to the basics, the reason I wanted to be there wasn’t academic related at all (unless chemistry counts). I wanted to be there mainly because the “love of my life” was there. Now that I look back I laugh. Little did I know that the love of my life was there, he was across the room holding hands with his girlfriend while I was snuggled up next to my boyfriend reading pages of study guides and perusing the books that held the answers to our study guides!
I don’t always follow while complaining nor do what I am told while expressing extreme distaste for what is being asked. I have found that as I have gotten older, my battles are picked more wisely than in my teen and early twenty years. Now if I have a grief with my husband, children, siblings, parents, in-laws or anyone really, I am more likely to hold my tongue than I was even 5 years ago. I have found that I am a lot more willing to conform to what I know to be correct and true. At the same time, I still have that side that says, “Do not conform”.
The last group of obedient people would technically be classified as non-obedient. Some are rebellious because they don’t like structure; others because they don’t like to being told what to do or admit they are wrong. I have family members that are very much this way. My brother recently purchased a fence. The fence came in pre-assembled segments. He rented an auger to help dig all the fence post holes. When my mom and dad talked to him about it they told him he had to make sure that the holes were marked to the exact inch. He gave them a “yeah ok” answer and got to work. My other brother when talking to him, not knowing my parents had told him the exact same thing, warned him that he had to make sure it was measured to the exact inch. “Yeah ok” was the response received again as he went back to play with the auger in his back yard. The last person to warn my brother wasn’t even a family member. A neighbor stopped by to see what was up. As they talked about the fence and auger the neighbor warned the same warning of measuring to the exact inch. My brother gave the same response, ended the conversation (politely) and went to work with the auger. The next weekend, my brother was filling in holes the auger had created with dirt from the holes he had to dig by hand. He was not going to conform and he paid the price.
I think everyone has parts of them that fall under each of the 3 obedience groups. I know I do. Rebellion can’t be labeled as always being bad; our country was founded by the rebels from England. Obedience isn’t always good, especially if you are using it as the excuse instead of having to make a decision on your own. Finding a happy medium is the key.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: dogs and children alike, Obedience, reasoning with dog, Teaching Dog obedience
Last night, I was playing with our dog. I wasn’t the one that wanted a dog; it was my husband and children.
For the first couple months my husband and children were great about working and playing with Lady. In the beginning, I would say that my husband was her master; she obeyed him the best out of everyone. As time has gone by, Lady has evolved to being my dog. If my husband gives her a command and I am in the room, she looks to me as if asking “is this what I am supposed to do?” Last night, my husband and I worked for a while on her obeying him regardless of if I was present or not. It took a few minutes of working with her but before the 10 minutes were up she would no longer look to me to ask permission, she would do as commanded. We worked with her waving when commanded as well as shaking hands after we once again established that she had to sit and stay when told by Ben. She enjoyed the training and attention.
My husband and I have often joked that training children and dogs is the same thing. For a while we have had troubles with our Lady wanting to bark at any and everything. It drives me nuts! We tried everything. Water bottle, yelling at her to stop, kenneling her up when she barks non-stop, we even purchased a shock collar to see if it would help. It did for a while but I always had a pang of guilt when it was on her. When I could no longer stand it, I resorted to treating her like I would my children. There was a day I was going crazy. No matter what I did she would not stop. As she was running past me barking, I had her sit, look me in the eyes and told her “No barking”. After I released her from the command, she stood up and ran to the back door and then again to the front one. No barks left her mouth. I was in shock. She actually was able to understand when commanded that way.
A couple days later, my daughter and I were going for a walk. When I mentioned the word walk to my daughter, Lady ran and got her leash and sat obediently at the door. How do you resist a dog that is obediently asking to go for the walk with you? The answer is that you don’t. She needed the exercise just like we did. Since we were driving to my mom’s house to walk with her, I dreaded the drive with Lady. Her barking habit hasn’t been limited to the house; it was present in the car as well. When in a confined, small space, her hound dog bawl is ear shattering.
I was torn in my decision on whether to take Lady or not. I knew walking with her would be fun and she would be obedient, it was just the 15 minute drive from our house to my mom’s that I was worried about. Lady is just fine in the car as long as no bikes, motorcycles or pedestrians came near the car. I decided to try my “no barking” talk again. I called her to me and had her look me in the eyes. I firmly told her, “Lady, if you want to come in the car with us, you must not bark.” She looked at me and I really started to think I was going crazy. There is no way she would understand. Her ears cocked and head tilted to the side, her traditional “I am listening and will obey stance”. Something told me that maybe she had understood. I looked at her again and repeated, “No barking” and put the leash on her.
As she lollopped to the car I hoped my instinct were correct on this. I locked my daughter in her seat and opened the front passenger door and said, “Up and in” (the get in the car command). In one leap Lady was in the air and then sitting on the front passenger seat 4 feet up. She turned and faced the window as she panted happily.
While driving down the first road to get to my mom’s home the dreaded bike trail drew near. My hopes of no bikes being there were dashed as I saw a small group of men on bicycles. Here goes nothing! I prepped myself for the piercing bark and jumping towards the window, in hopes she might actually get them this time. Instead, I saw a completely still dog. Maybe she didn’t see them? As we got closer, her nose went closer to the window and I hear a small whimper come from her mouth. Once again I braced myself. Nothing more happened. I knew she had seen them from the whimper and the fact that as we passed her head moved rear facing as she followed the bicycles with her eyes.
I was a bit in shock. I don’t recall the last time she hadn’t barked like a lunatic and pounced to the back of the SUV when she sighted a bicycle. It could just be a fluke though. As we turned onto the main road, I see that the street is completely under construction. The road has been reduced to one lane and construction men and trucks littered the street. I think the only thing Lady barks at more than bicycles, pedestrians or motorcycles is vehicles that make loud noise (garbage trucks, lawn mowers and even the vacuum). These vehicles definitely fell into her “go crazy and never stop” category.
Even though she had succeeded with the bicycles I feared her instinct would overcome her will power on this. As we drove past the big, loud construction trucks Lady was perfectly behaved. Her body did not move other than her head. She watched each truck as we slowly crept past. As a group of construction men walked right by her window as we were stopped, a slight whimper was all I heard. I was truly impressed now. Is it possible to actually reason with a dog like you do children?
The 15 minute drive amazed me. We had motorcycles, trucks of all sorts, bicycles, pedestrians, lawn mowers and even large dogs in a car next to us. The most she ever did was slight whine/whimpers when we were stuck next to one of these vehicles for a long period of time. We arrived at my mom’s house with absolutely no barking.
Our walk was enjoyable and as I had predicted, Lady loved it. She was perfectly behaved as small children wanted to pet and give her loves. She ran as we ran and walked as we walked. She didn’t pull. My daughter had a blast; I got exercise and a visit with my mom in. It exceeded my best expectations for an hour exercise session with a child and dog. I walked away with physical exercise and not mental exhaustion from disobedience (whether canine or child induced).
Before we loaded into the car to go home, I once again gave Lady a talking to. Our drive home was relatively uneventful as for vehicles with her. I didn’t even get a whimper on the way home.
I have found that with Lady, instead of training children like you train a dog also worked in the reverse. I was able to train her the way I would train my children, by talking with her. To this day, if she starts barking I can call her and make her sit and look in my eyes. I will command no barking and it is hours before I hear another bark from her. Am I the perfect dog owner? No. Nor am I the perfect parent. I have found though, that dogs want to be obedient. Once you find how to communicate with your dog obedience is a lot easier to achieve.
Overall, I think rebellion is something we have innate, both animals and humans alike. I believe animals learn faster that they have to follow their master than we do as humans. The desire for rebellion is less in animals than humans. Some commands are easy for Lady (sit, stay, sleep, up, jump, bark) and others are harder (no barking, wave, shake); for me some commandments are easy and some are hard. I don’t know why Lady responds to the “sit and talk” method, but she does. I like that I can reason with her, or at least think I am.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Over the years, preschool has taken on different forms. Kindergarten was actually formed to give a year of preparation before all-day formal school started, technicaly it was the first formal preschool. In most states, Kindergarten is still not a required class. Your child can miss as many days of Kindergarten as you would like and no truancy officer will show up at your door. As years progressed, parents started wanting to prepare their child for Kindergarten. Isn’t that taking away the purpose of Kindergarten? After all, it was designed to prepare children for going to school.
Kindergarten slowly evolved into formal school. Many Kindergarten classes are now full-day. Those little 5 year olds go to school as long as 17 and 18 year olds. They are at school 1/2 hour shy of a full work day for adults.
Slowly preschool has evolved as well. It started with just a few parents that wanted to get their child ahead of the game. After a while, other parents took notice that it was helpful. Before long, preschools were opening all across the nation.
Over time, preschools grew in popularity among common folks (not only for the rich now), the price tag increased with the popularity. The standard was to have your child attend preschool for 1 year prior to Kindergarten. The average priced preschool continues to rise each year. 5 years ago the average was about $45/month. People were appalled, it was highway robbery! Alas, parents kept paying it and soon that was a standard, fair amount. To currently get a preschool below $70/month is considered good now.
As more preschools opened in each state, people started wondering if there should be regulations on preschools. Before long, lawmakers were in on it. Only x amount of children for each adult. Many preschools had to hire more teachers in order to meet the law requirements. More teachers equal higher tuition.
Slowly the standard 1 year of preschool before Kindergarten changed. It wasn’t enough that they robbed you for that one year, they now want your child to attend preschool for at least 2 years before Kindergarten. The first year would be 2 days a week at the cheap price. The second year would be 3 days a week and would be about $20 more each month, as if they weren’t already taking you to the dry cleaners.
Preschool has now officially gone berserk, completely out of control. Some schools have waiting lists that you have to get your child on the minute you know you are pregnant, with a price tag attached that I would have to second mortgage my house to even consider the school. Children are now starting preschool at 1. The standard is at least 2 years of preschool before starting Kindergarten but I see that trend changing in just a couple years to being at least 3 years of preschool.
When are we going to say, “This is enough, they are still just babies”? When are we going to stand up for these little ones and say, let’s allow them a childhood? When are parents going to step up to the mat and do their job? Most preschools that are being paid close to $100/month (if not well over that) are just teaching these little ones simple things that parents could and should be teaching at home. I think what has gotten us into this mess is that parents want to be parents as little as possible, if that means giving some money to another person to teach their children, so be it. Our children are the ones that suffer.
Parents can and should be the ones teaching these little ones for at least the first 3 years. After that time frame, if the parents feel like their child would benefit and enjoy some preschool, then sign your child up. Signing them up from time of conception is out of control and unacceptable in my book.
When my first child started Kindergarten, she hadn’t taken preschool but she did know all her numbers, letters, knew how to read a few simple words and could write her name. She was considered behind because she had never been to preschool and wasn’t reading more than mom, dad, dog, cat, etc. In my book, she was right on target. Some children only know that information after going to preschool, but there was automatic prejudice because of no formal “pay your life savings” preschool involved.
My daughter was in the same spot as her peers when finished with Kindergarten. She didn’t lose anything. She enjoyed 5 years home with mom before starting her adult life of school (which eventually leads to work) all day. Has my daughter missed out on life? According to society, yes. According to me and her teacher, no. She is reading, she is writing, she is testing exactly where she should be. I think if more parents were willing to spend the time teaching these things instead of passing on the buck (literally and figuratively) of parenthood, children would still be learning at the same rate, yet they would have a closer bond with parents instead of it being with a stranger they call Ms. So-and-so or teacher. You just might be there hero instead of that teacher. *gasp* I know, strange and hard to believe.
I also feel that too many children are in day cares, but I will leave that for another time.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Protecting others, Scarry men, Stranger Danger, Trespassing
In a previous blog about bullies, I made a comment that I would tell a story about my 6 year old and how she internalizes everything. Here is the story behind my knowing how my daughter internalizes her scary feelings…
A couple weeks ago, my husband and I had plans for a romantic evening out. His mother had called and offered to take the children for the night; we would have the house to ourselves. An evening of dinner, movie and doctor’s appointment was on the list. Now get your mind out of the gutter, it wasn’t that kind of doctors appointment, my husband had to go to the family practitioner to get his lab results.
While packing the night bag for the stay at grandma’s house, we received a phone call. My husband’s sister had to be induced early and we no longer had a night to ourselves. Disappoint rang throughout the house. My daughters were in tears and my husband and my hopes of a quiet evening alone were dashed. Luckily, the tickets to the movies hadn’t been purchased yet; although we did still have to go to the doctor’s appointment. The thought of trying to contain our tired children in a small room did not sound fun. I decided to call my sister and ask a favor.
After some begging, pleading and explaining our predicament, she had pity on us and took our children. Ok, not really the conversation was more like:
Me: “You know how the girls were supposed to sleep at their grandma’s tonight, well that was cancelled. Ben and I still have a doctor’s appointment to go to. Can they play at your house for that hour?”
Sister: “Yeah but are you sure you only want them to play for an hour? They had their hearts set on a sleep over and they can just sleep over here.”
Me: “I can’t do that to you.”
Sister: ”Sure you can, we would love to have them.”
Me: “Do you have plans?”
Sister: “Well, we have (gives long list of all things planned for following morning). But really they can just do most of that with us first thing in the morning and we could meet up mid-morning.”
Me: “Well tonight we will just leave them while at the doctor’s appointment and we will plan a sleep over on another night when you don’t have such a crazy day the next day.”
Sister: “Ok, that’s a deal”
As we pulled into the gravel driveway of my sister’s farm, the tears in the kids eyes had long dried up and were replaced with large smiles. They had the treat of running and playing on the farm. They could chase the ducks, ride the horses, search for the new born bunnies and well, basically just have a huge amount of land to run and play on.
A little back story on my sister house. She has a small little house in the middle of what used to be a rural neighborhood in the Salt Lake Valley. Her house is old but her land is amazing. She has 3 acres and the most beautiful, unobstructed views of the Wasatch Mountain front you have ever seen. Her back yard is so peaceful. Her land is shaped like a long rectangle, the narrow ends being the front by the road and back; the long sides being the 3 acres deep of side yard. The back yard has a large pasture; barn; shed; playground and 1 acre of uninterrupted, flat surface grass area. That area is GREAT for football or tag.
As we pulled out of the gravel driveway, we waved to our children who were in the side pasture chasing ducks as my sister watched. The doctor’s appointment was regarding the liver enzymes that I blogged about previously. The appointment took forever, well let me rephrase that, the waiting took forever. The appointment only took 5 minutes.
As we walked out of the doctor’s office, we could see the sun setting over the West Mountains, turning the sky amber, pink, fuchsia, orange and purple. It was beautiful. By the time we reached my sister’s house, the sun had sunk behind the mountains leaving a dark purple sky in its wake. The children were all in the house, laughing and playing. Tearing them away from the cousins was not an easy task.
When we exited the house an hour later, the bright moon was rising over the large Eastern Mountains. I remember specifically thinking how clear and beautiful the night was. The moon was illuminating the night. As my feet crunched along the pebble walk way, my 3 year old and I talked about what she did at Nanner’s house.
“We chased the ducks over there. We filled the horsies water right there.” She was pointing to each place as she storied out her night for me. “And this is where the scary men were.”
The last sentence did not fit into the story at all. Completely shocked and caught off guard I questioned what she meant by that.
“You mean your uncle?” I questioned.
“No, the scary men!” There was something in her response that told me something wasn’t right. I kept quizzing her on it, all the time thinking “Should I ask my sister about this?” As we got to the car, I finally decided that it was just a story, probably my brother-in-law’s brother or someone else that stopped by and was a stranger so it scared her.
As I locked my 3 year old into her car seat, she asked me, “Are you going to warn Nanner about the scary men?” I told her that I would call her once we were on the road. When my 3 year old mentioned the scary men, my 6 year old responded, “You mean the ones that were in the truck and on the forklift?” Now I had 2 children telling me about these scary men.
As I was getting into the car, I noticed that my nephew had snuck out and was trying to sneak into our car. At 5 years old, nighttime is not the time for him to be sneaking out so I walked with him back to the front door. While there I decided to mention to my sister the “Scary men story” after my nephew walked back into the house. It would save me the phone call. We talked for a few minutes about what they could have meant. There was a guy that came and picked something up from my sister. She asked me to ask them about these men and give her a call. I walked back to the car, this time not noticing how bright the night sky was with the moon but more wishing it were day time and I didn’t have to walk so far to the car; the moon didn’t feel so bright and beautiful now.
Once in the safety of the car, I questioned my girls about the “scary men” some more. My 3 year old could offer no more information than what she had already told me. They were in the truck and then one went over to the forklift. My 6 year old was the one that shed the most light onto the story. There were 2 of them. They were about the same age as her cousin’s older neighbor friends (so teenagers). They were skinny and wearing jeans and dark green t-shirts. One had on a hat, one did not. One had dark black hair, one had blonde. She had so many details about these men that I honestly wondered if some was made up. She would be talking and telling the story and it was always the same. A couple times she would add another detail as she remembered it but the basic story always stayed the same. Once she remembered a detail, when retailing the story again, she would not leave that part out. Each new bit added stayed with the story from then on.
As I was on the phone with my sister, updating her on the information my daughter had given me she grew silent.
“Roo (my nephew) just told me that he saw the scary men too. They were both wearing green t-shirts and one had a hat on. I swear, I have no clue how or when they saw these men. I was with the kids all night. The only time I left them was when we had 2 guys out in our field chasing the horses. They were both in white shirts though. When they started chasing the horses I ran in and grabbed my husband, but I swear that was the only time they were alone.”
The story started to come together. Men in the back field chasing the horses took all the adult attention off the front yard. I listened to my daughter retell the story again. “We were standing in the field next to the ducks. The gray truck was blocking them from seeing me, but I could see them. I told B we needed to go but she wanted to play with the ducks more. I told her that we REALLY needed to go, so we walked out of the field and back to Nanner because she was in the back field by the horses. Uncle D was with her.”
The story came together. What I didn’t understand is where my 3 year old had seen these scary men because she was not with my 6 year old daughter when they saw them. My nephew cleared that up for us. He and my 3 year old were in his room getting some toys when they saw the men out the window. The 2 little ones were “sneaky and watched the men through the blinds”. He was quick to tell us that they were quiet and didn’t let the men know that they were watching them.
My sister was completely freaked. How had she completely missed all this? Easy enough, the men in the back pasture were decoys. Now here comes the part that ties the bullies thread comment and this blog. When I questioned my 6 year old on why she didn’t tell her cousin that there were some scary looking men in the front yard and they needed to leave the side pasture, her response was, “I didn’t want to freak her out”. When I questioned her about why she didn’t immediately go and tell Nanner, she told me because Nanner was already worried about the other men in the back pasture.
My sweet 6 year old was really terrified about these men. The details in which she remembered them astounded me. I praised her for not confronting them and for getting away from them. I told her next time to make sure to tell an adult but she did the right thing in getting as far away from them as possible and to a safe adult. My 3 year old, well, I told her that I was glad she had told me about the scary men and if something like that ever happens again, she needs to tell the adult that is watching her.
After the girls were in bed, I said a prayer of thanks that my children were kept safe. My heart hurt for my sweet 3 year old that was terrified by these men and my heart hurt even more thinking of my brave 6 year old. She internalized all her fear to save and protect the ones she loves around her. Even though she is 3 1/2 years younger than her cousin, she felt it was her responsibility to protect her.
Over the course of the next few days we constantly reminded our children of stranger danger and what to do in case they were confronted with a stranger problem. We definitely talk about that more now than we had in the past. To this day, we still don’t know what those men (well really teenage boys) were after or if they found it. All the information we have is from a 3 year old, 5 year old and 6 year old. I am forever grateful for my sweet girls that were watched over and protected that night and I learned a valuable lesson of truly listening and believing the outrageous story that you child tells you.
