We recently had a new family move in. It is a single mom with 3 children. I was happy to see some children moving in that were close to the age of my children. That is what I thought in the beginning. Since then I have learned the real situation.
When they get home, the mother goes in the house and the girls stay out and play. The girls play outside from 3:00 until about 10:00 without being checked on. They can come and go into any house in the complex without asking permission of their mom, nor informing her of what they are doing. I always make them return home and ask their mom before allowing them in my home, even if she doesn’t want or request it.
One time they asked to go on a walk with a friend of mine that also lives here. When these girls were told no, they tried everything to change my friends mind. This is how it went down…
“Can we go with you?” the oldest child asks.
“No, I am afraid not this time. You haven’t asked your mom and this is our family time”, my friends replied.
“Oh, my mom won’t care!” the oldest retorted.
“How do you know that? I don’t know your mom and it could be a bad situation me taking you for a walk with me”, my friend countered.
“I know she won’t care. She has told us we can play out here all we want as long as we don’t run away” the oldest argued, trying to change my friends mind.
My friend finally was able to convince this young girl (about 8 or 9) that her mom might think she has ran away and it wasn’t the best idea. “Just don’t run away” is not what a mother should be telling her children. The entire time these girls are out playing, their mom is in the house. I do not see her coming to check on them at all in the 7 hours that they play outside. The girls do not go in the house. When told they will need to ask their mom before swimming in our pool or similar activities, I am informed she is sleeping. I did get to speak with the mother one time asking permission for her children to swim. Her response, “I don’t care what they do. They just have to stay out of trouble.”
What if trouble finds them? Our area, while safe, isn’t amazing. Child molesters & predators do exist in the area. Even when watching your children with a vigilant eye, bad things can still occur! We have all heard stories of the children that were left to themselves, only to disappear and the mother isn’t quite sure when they disappeared. We all think if you haven’t seen them since 3:00, why did you wait until 10:00 pm to call the police?
Since I have allowed these girls in my home to play with my children and because I am one of the only parents in the complex, the HOA presidency has asked me, not the mother, to ask the children to behave. I was asked to tell them not to do this or that. My response, “No, I am not their mother, nor am I in the presidency. You as a presidency can go to the mother, or you can tell the children. Don’t drag me into this.” It was not the response they wanted but I refuse to become a surrogate mother for the HOA towards these children. I can’t afford to take responsibility for their actions. Don’t get me wrong, when I am outside, I do watch them. If they get hurt, I help them or send them to their mother. I don’t want anything to happen to them, so even if we aren’t outside, I often look out the windows to check and make sure they are ok. I may not be there mother, but I still have the motherly instincts.
Growing up I had a friend. I always was jealous of her ability to do whatever she wanted whenever. While I had a 10:00 curfew on school nights, she could stay out all night and her mother would not care. I often talked with this friend about how lucky she was. She would counter that I was the lucky one. I hated having a curfew and she hated not having a curfew. No matter the situation, children want boundaries. They will fight them when you give them, but if you don’t give the boundaries; the children miss and want them.
My heart goes out to these girls. I wish I had a good answer to a sad situation!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: High school English class, new to blogging, vocabulary words
“Why blog?” I asked myself. What possibly could come from writing on a page and putting that page out to the entire world? Then I started to read blogs. I enjoyed them. As I read, I realized I wanted one. Why? Mainly because I need a hobby and I would like to share my life and thoughts with family and friends. Another reason, I am hoping to remember that language once taught to me in High School English class. Remember all those words we once “knew”?
Walking along the trail to English class for the dreaded Friday test. Fellow student trod along beside you. You glimpse up from your 3×5 index card, hoping not to end your stride and studying session in a collision with a fellow English student. Each student is doing the same as you: reading his or her card, trying to avoid collision while their minds are elsewhere. Can they really remember for the next 50 minutes what “flash in a pan” and “ambulatory” mean? While studying, you ask yourself “what is the point” or “will I ever use this word again”?
As you get closer to the dreaded door, you survey for the students from the previous class. You see the jubliant and degenerate looks. You ask both the jubliant and degenrate student how the test was, hoping to get the good, the bad and the ugly from the test. Have you really studied the correct vocab words? Would the teacher be lenient?
So, here I am sitting at my computer writing the blog. Hoping I have studied the correct vocab words and hoping my audience, if I ever get one, will be lenient for the lack of true studying of the English language. The only difference between now and High School English is my choice of colleges won’t be determined by the grade I receive!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: imagination, joys of parenthood, Summer days
With Summer has come days of living outside. Our little inflatable pool has become a fixture to take out, pump up and fill up so the kids can play for a couple hours. Since we live in a condo, the day also entails: emptying, deflating and putting away the pool each day! This whole adventure each day is tiring yet fun.
With all this work, I am hoping I can help create childhood memories of fun summers full of adventure. Even if it is imaginary adventure! I enjoy sitting by the pool, listening to my children play. Their imaginations take hold and I enjoy that. At times they are mermaids swimming through a sea, searching for a treasure. Other times they are trapped in the middle of the ocean waiting to be saved.
As I listen to them play, I think of my childhood and the many adventures my imagination took me on. The joys that come from our imagination! When you are a child with an imagination, the world is truly yours! You can become anything, anywhere. Yesterday my nephew was the super hero and my daughters were the maidens in distress. I watched as my nephew flexed his muscles and fought off the imaginary bad monster. At least I know that I am making memories that will last for me! What a joy. I need to be better about just sitting, watching and listening to my children more often. There really is joy there!
So today as I drag the pool out once more, fill it up and bask in the sun…maybe (just maybe) I will be a bit more grateful for the opportunity I have to be taken into my childrens’ imaginations. These precious few moments I get to enjoy these summer days!
